Whats it like being a Stay at Home Dad?

 Why Being a Stay-at-Home Dad is the Best (and Toughest) Job I’ve Ever Had

Since men and women have become parents, it’s always traditionally been the mother taking the bulk of the load, but in this modern age – does it, and should it, have to be the only way? Sometimes the reasons can be financial, personal, or practical, and sometimes you may have no other option but being a stay at home dad is becoming more popular.  Dad are stepping up. Roles and attitudes changing.  Maybe slowly but they are changing.

In my case, the decision to become a stay at home dad came down mostly to the fact that my wife was already in a career and my mental health issues were a barrier to me.  But being a stay-at-home dad isn’t a easy option. its not all cuppas and CBeebies (ask any mum). It’s full-on. One minute you’re singing “Wind the Bobbin Up” with gusto, the next you’re knee-deep in a nappy explosion wondering if this is what your career advisor meant by “fulfilling work.” But here I am, a full-time stay at home dad, captain of the school run, snack distributor-in-chief, and bedtime negotiator. And despite the chaos, I wouldn’t swap it for anything. Seriously. Being a stay-at-home dad can be the most rewarding (and occasionally ridiculous) adventure of your life.

The Upside: Why This Life Rocks

1. All the Little Moments

There’s something magic about being there for the day-to-day stuff — the first giggle, the wobbly first steps, the first day at school and the completely unprompted “I love you, Daddy.” It’s golden, and when you realise how much of these irreplaceable moments other dads miss out on – you count your blessings. Your child will have a strong male role model in life, and you will become one.

2. Smashing the Stereotypes

Let’s face it, we’re still a bit of a rarity. But every dad at the playgroup, every pram-pushing fella at the park — we’re shifting the narrative. Fatherhood is active, present, and proud and here is some food for thought: According to recent statistics, Fathers have increased to 1 in 9 of stay and home parents and there are more than 141,000 of us in the UK.

3. I’m the Family P.A. Now

From GP appointments to remembering World Book Day costumes (shout out to the last-minute cardboard creations), I’ve become frighteningly organised. I’ve got a colour-coded calendar and everything. You will be surprised at the skills you will pick up and how good of a multi-tasker you can be.

4. You Grow, Whether You Like It or Not

You learn patience. You learn problem-solving. You even learn how to do a full weekly shop with a toddler tantrum happening in aisle four. You come out tougher, softer, empathetic and funnier — all at once.

5. No Office, No Commute

No crowded Tube or motorway. No packed lunches. I’m home for dinner, bath time, and that one episode of Bluey that makes me cry every time. (It’s the camping one. Don’t judge.) And the flexibility, you can pick your own schedule and move things around to suit your family’s calendar. Your downtime can be when things are quieter, and sometimes even cheaper!

The Real Talk: It’s Not Always a Doddle

1. Bit Lonely Sometimes

Most parent meet-ups are still pretty mum-centric, and there are days when it feels like you’re the only bloke pushing a pram for miles. Finding your tribe takes time. You’ll be surprised what you have in common with stay at home mums and how approachable they are when they realise you are all in the same boat. It also pays to spend some time with people that don’t ever watch cbeebies at 6am.

2. You’re Always ‘On’

There’s no clocking off. No “just five more minutes” like in the office. Someone’s always hungry, tired, or covered in yoghurt, and you aren’t paid for overtime.

3. People Say Daft Things,

“Oh, so you don’t work?” “Bet your missus loves coming home to a clean house!” Cheers, mate. Try wrangling two toddlers, cleaning the kitchen three times before lunch, and still having enough energy to play hide and seek for an hour. Personally, for me the tension could also be closer to home as although my wife was empathetic, she had always wanted to be the one taking our son to school. We worked on this balance, but ultimately we wanted what was best for our son. There still is a stigma but hopefully hopefully more education can change this.

4. Counting the Pennies?

Having children is hard financially, and this is just as true as a stay home Dad. Sometimes I wonder where I’d be professionally if I hadn’t stepped back. But then I look at my kids, and I realise — I am doing something that matters, immensely. You will never be as invested in those spreadsheets and the photocopier as you will be in building the next generation but still, money can be a problem. A British campaign group, the Dad Shift is currently organising protests against the lack of time off given, and financial support, to new fathers. The UK is 40th out of 43 countries in Europe for financially supporting dads and they get 57 percent less time, typically, with their child in the first year. It’s a good idea though to keep your work skills sharp, check if you are due any benefits or if feasible do a few hours part-time. Furthermore - as many previous generations of stay at home mums will tell you, unfairly or not, it can be hard to get back on the work horse when the nappies are all just a bad memory. For me also, although I enjoyed it, I missed the fulfilment of achieving things in a work environment surrounded by other adults.

5. The Mental Load is Real

You’re the go-to for everything — from remembering who’s allergic to what, to making sure the PE kit’s clean, to knowing where the missing sock definitely isn’t. It’s a lot. When I started out being a full-time dad it was going to be temporary, but the mental, and physical load was often so large for me that it was hard to undertake much else. It's now as my child is older that I am rebuilding a career and other parts of my life. In the end, therefore, it's important to take time for yourself. This is where hobbies, a bike ride or even a few hours manageable work can be a welcome reprieve.

Final Thoughts

Is being a stay-at-home dad easy? No chance. But is it brilliant, bonkers, and the most beautiful thing I’ve ever done? Absolutely. To any other dads out there thinking about making the jump — go for it. The world needs more of us showing up, getting stuck in, and proving that dad life at home is just as valuable, just as vital, and just as vibrant. But just like the world of working, balance being superdad with your own interests and some well-deserved YOU time, and if possible keep something going on your C.V. Finally, something we haven't talked about - how is it from a kid’s perspective? While writing this blog, I asked my son how he felt it might be different having a stay home dad instead of the more usual mum. He couldn’t really answer, as he said he knew no different. Research has found no measurable difference in the outcomes between children with stay home dads or mums. Some say that children grow up more empathetic with stay home mums, and more practical and problem-solving with dads. Of course, this is something you can compensate for, Just like the advice given to Mums, superdad or not, take help when you need it and reach out. We are always here at CosyChats to listen.

Drew is a stay at home dad from the UK. Read Drew's other Blog Teens, Tech, and Talking Back: Navigating the Wild Ride of Raising a Teenager (and Loving It!)

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