Is it ever right to spank my kid? If this is a question you've asked yourself then keep reading.
Fox & Friends host Lawrence Jones called on parents to “spank your kid’s a**” instead of being letting children go “crazy” during a news segment on gentle parenting.
Should I REALLY Spank My Kid? Some voices say yes.
On Wednesday, hosts Jones, Brian Kilmeade and Ainsley Earhardt played several TikTok clips showing parents who follow “gentle parenting ” a trendy parenting style that focuses on respect, empathy, boundaries, and understanding.
One of the videos showed a mother calmly asking, “Please don’t hit me,” and “gentle,” as her small child repeatedly smacked her in the face, while another showed an upset child being pulled into a hug by their mother.
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“Am I allowed to comment on that?” Jones asks. “Some of you need to spank your kid’s a**. It’s a problem.”
“Mama Jones didn’t play it. My father didn’t play it. And I just see all these kids going crazy in the grocery store, on the plane. And if the parents just would put them over their leg and just [spank], it would be over,” Jones said, smacking his hands together to mimic spanking a child.
So this raises the question. Should I REALLY Spank My Kid? Is there a time and place for a smack to stop or correct behavior as advocated by Lawrence Jones.
What is the law on spanking kids?
It is unlawful for a parent or carer to spank their kids, except where this amounts to ‘reasonable punishment’. This defence is laid down in Section 58 Children Act 2004, but it is not defined in this legislation.
Whether a ‘spank’ amounts to reasonable punishment will depend on the circumstances of each case, taking into consideration factors like the age of the child and the nature of the spank.
There are strict guidelines covering the use of reasonable punishment and it will not be possible to rely on the defence if you use severe physical punishment on your child which amounts to wounding, actual bodily harm, grievous bodily harm or child cruelty.
Smacking was banned in Scotland in 2020 and was followed in Wales in 2022, prompting renewed calls for the UK government to outlaw the practice in England and Northern Ireland.
As parents, we'd move mountains for our kids. We love them like crazy. And yet, somehow, they have a supernatural ability to push every single one of our buttons, driving us to a point where we might do something we regret… like spank them.
Do parents actually think should I spank my kid or is it an emotional reaction to a situation?
The answer maybe in our upbringing, For previous generation the idea of being able to 'spank my kid' was more widespread and accepted. This leads us as parents ourlseves to think "I turned out fine." But what if that one smack does more than just sting for a minute? What if it actually sets off a chain reaction in a child’s brain, with effects that can ripple out for a lifetime? We’re going to look at what the science really says about spanking and, more importantly, explore what we can do instead to raise kids who are both cooperative and incredibly resilient.
The Problem - A Giant's Hand
From our grown-up point of view, a smack can seem like a minor, in-the-moment correction. But we have to try, just for a second, to see it through the child's eyes. To a small child, a parent is everything. They’re your source of safety, your protector, your entire universe. And physically, let's be honest, we’re giants.
So when that giant—that source of all safety and love—intentionally causes pain, the child's world gets flipped upside down. The message they get isn't really about hitting their sibling.
The message is that the one person who is supposed to protect them is also, sometimes, a threat.
So the simple notion its OK to spank my kid from an adult perspective, triggers far greater emotions and reactions in the child.
This isn’t about shaming parents. It’s about understanding this huge difference in perception. What we see as a quick course correction, a child’s brain registers as a danger signal. And as we’re about to see, that signal triggers a whole series of alarms in their developing mind, changing how they see the world and even how their brain physically gets wired. Decades of research have consistently shown that physical punishment is linked to harm to a child's social, emotional, and cognitive development.
The Science - A Brain on High Alert
So, what’s actually going on in their head when they get smacked? Thanks to neuroimaging, we don't have to guess anymore. Groundbreaking research, a lot of it from scientists at Harvard, has given us a window right into the brain's real-time response.
So is the idea, its OK to spank my kid, without serious consequences really true?
In one major study, researchers used MRI scans to watch kids' brains. They showed the children pictures of faces with either neutral or fearful expressions. What they found was pretty shocking. When they saw the fearful faces, the kids who had been spanked showed way more brain activity in multiple areas of their prefrontal cortex. This is the part of the brain that’s constantly scanning the environment for threats. Essentially, their brains were on high alert, working overtime to find danger.
And here’s the kicker: the brain activity of the spanked children looked exactly like the brain activity of children who had suffered what anyone would call severe abuse. Let that sink in for a moment. On a neurological level, the brain doesn't seem to draw a big line between a smack and other forms of violence. It just recognizes a threat from a caregiver and starts rewiring itself to survive.
This constant "threat-detection" mode is a result of the brain's stress response system getting triggered over and over. When a child is hit, their brain is flooded with stress hormones like cortisol. This is the body’s natural alarm, and it's great for escaping real danger, like a tiger. But when that alarm is constantly being pulled, it becomes toxic to the developing brain. It can even lead to less gray matter in the prefrontal cortex—the very part of the brain in charge of self-control, decision-making, and regulating emotions.
Other studies have found that physical punishment is linked to adolescents being extra sensitive to their own mistakes and less responsive to positive things in their life. This state of constant alert, this neurological vigilance, doesn't just stay in the brain. It spills out into a child's daily life, with some serious and lasting consequences.
So is the idea, its OK to spank my kid, without serious consequences isn't true. There are consequences in following the belief that its OK to spank my kid but are there other consequences as well?
The Psychological Fallout - The Scars You Can't See
The changes in the brain that scientists are seeing aren't just lab results; they show up in a child’s life in very real ways.
First, the risk for mental health challenges goes way up. Children who are physically punished are more likely to struggle with anxiety, depression, behavioral problems, and substance use disorders down the road. Their brains, basically trained to see threats everywhere, can create a constant, humming background of anxiety. A 2021 study found that kids smacked at age three were more likely to have poor mental health and more difficult behaviors all the way up to age 14.
Second, it can actually make kids more aggressive. It seems backward, right? Parents who spank are usually trying to stop aggression. But kids are always watching us. Social learning theory tells us they learn how to solve problems by seeing how we solve problems. When we use our size and power to get what we want, we’re modeling that aggression works. A massive review of studies involving over 160,000 kids confirmed it: physical punishment is linked with more aggression and antisocial behavior, not less.
Third, it damages the single most important parenting tool we have: our relationship. Great parenting is built on a foundation of warmth and trust. Physical punishment chips away at that foundation and replaces it with fear. A child who’s afraid of being hit is not going to come to you for advice or to confess they messed up. That parent-child bond gets weaker, which just makes every other part of parenting harder.
And finally, it just doesn't work to teach the right lesson. A smack might stop a behavior for a minute, but it doesn’t help a child understand why it was wrong. The child's focus immediately shifts from "what I did" to "the pain I feel" and "my parent is scary." It teaches them how to not get caught, not how to be a good person. Real discipline—which comes from a word that means "to teach"—is about guiding our kids to develop self-control. Physical punishment just isn't built for that job.
So were building a clear picture of what the idea idea, its OK to spank my kid, does but there will still be arguments
The "But I Turned Out Fine" Argument
Okay, so right about now, a lot of people are thinking, "But I was spanked, and I turned out fine." This is probably the number one defense of spanking, and it’s a powerful one, so it’s worth talking about directly.
First off, people are incredibly resilient. We can and do overcome all sorts of difficult childhood experiences to become happy, successful adults. No one is saying that every single child who is spanked is doomed.
But let's gently unpack the "I turned out fine" idea. For one thing, it's totally subjective. We don't have a control-version of ourselves to compare to. How do we know how we might have turned out if things were different? Is it possible we could have been even better than fine? Maybe a little less anxious, a little more confident, with a greater capacity for joy? We can't ever know the road not taken.
More importantly, the mountain of research is clear: while you may have turned out fine, physical punishment dramatically increases the risk of negative outcomes. It's like saying your grandpa smoked a pack a day and lived to be 90, so smoking isn't dangerous. We all know that's not true. We know smoking massively increases the risk of cancer and heart disease, even if not every smoker gets sick. In the exact same way, the evidence is overwhelming that smacking increases the risk of aggression, mental health problems, and struggles with learning.
Knowing these risks, the question isn't, "Will spanking absolutely ruin my child?" The real question is, "Why would I take that risk at all, when there are better, more effective alternatives that build my child up and have no risks attached?"
An alternative way of looking at it is does the belief, its OK to spank my kid, mean you miss out on creating a better, happier and more content version of your child. So how do you leave the idea its OK to spank my kid behind and progress?
The Solution - Building Brains, Not Fear
So, if the goal is to raise great kids without causing harm, what are we supposed to do when our child pushes us right to the edge? The answer is to shift our thinking from punishment to teaching. The goal isn't to make a child pay for a mistake; it's to give them the skills they need to not make that mistake again. This is often called positive discipline, and it’s all about connecting with our kids before we correct them.
Here are a few powerful alternatives that really work.
First, try a "Time-In" instead of a "Time-Out." A traditional time-out sends a kid away to handle their overwhelming feelings all by themselves. A time-in means you go with them to a quiet space. You don't even have to talk at first. You just sit there, being a calm anchor in their emotional storm. This teaches them that you're their safe space during their hardest moments, not someone who will abandon them.
Second, use redirection. Little kids, especially, often "misbehave" out of curiosity or a simple lack of impulse control, not because they're being malicious. If your toddler is banging a toy on the new coffee table, instead of yelling and smacking their hand, you can say, "Ooh, the car is for the floor! Let's go find a great ramp for it!" You see their need to play and just steer that energy toward something that works.
Third, offer limited choices. A lot of challenging behavior is just a bid for a little bit of power in a world where kids have none. Offering simple choices gives them a sense of control. Instead of barking, "Put your coat on now!" you could try, "It's time to leave. Do you want to wear the blue coat or the red one?" You’re still in charge—leaving isn't up for debate—but they get a voice in how it happens.
Finally, lean into empathy and communication. After things have calmed down, get on their level. "I saw you were so mad that your sister took your toy. It's okay to feel mad, but it's not okay to hit. Next time you feel that angry, you can stomp your feet or come tell me, and I'll help you." This shows them you understand, states the boundary clearly, and gives them a better plan for next time. It’s a masterclass in emotional intelligence.
Conclusion & CTA
The science couldn't be clearer. That one smack—that split-second decision to use force—does so much more than just sting. It sends a threat signal straight to a child’s brain, changing its development and wiring it for fear. It increases the long-term risk of anxiety, depression, and aggression, and it doesn't even succeed at teaching the lessons we want our kids to learn.
The idea its OK to spank my kid is outdated and discredited by clear evidence.
But the science also points us to a much better path. By shifting from punishment to connection, we can guide our kids effectively while making our relationship with them even stronger. We can be brain-builders, not fear-builders. It’s not always the easy way, but it’s the one that leads to raising resilient, emotionally healthy, and truly cooperative people.
So were at the end of, is it OK to spank my kid? We hope we have presented the information clearly. We hope you consider and think about your actions as every action has a consequence. We know you want to do the best for your child and even believing its OK to spank my kid, is believing you are doing the best for your child. We hope this article at the very least makes you think and research the subject yourself. We hope you keep in mind the alternative to its OK to spank my kid.
We'd love to hear from you in the comments – what are some gentle strategies that have worked for your family? Your experience could be a huge help to another parent reading.
This Blog was written by an adoptive parent of three children who understands children. How yes they can push your buttons but NO doesn't believe or follow, its OK to spank my kid.
No detail or pictures can be shared to protect the adopted children's privacy and right to a wonderful new life where physical abuse is not part of their life anymore.
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