The dread of Sunday night and Monday morning. The thought of another week getting them to school.

Feeling emotionally drained by 9:30am. Sound familiar? Try to win the war, not just the daily battle.

Do;

Care. If you don’t care they won’t. Show your children you care about their school life and schoolwork. This is especially true of younger children who tend to be excited about whatever you’re excited about. Enjoy this while you can.

Be available to help and answer questions. Let them know you are there to help and support them. Especially with teenagers. Give them space.

Talk. Talk to them about their day. Don’t probe or hold an interrogation. The daily catch up. A conversation is always better than an interrogation.

Understand what they’re feeling, what they’re going through. This isn’t 20 questions, its going at their pace giving them the opportunity to share and understanding your child. Don’t pressurise your child, this is just going to add to their worries and create conflict and damage your relationship. Don’t be part of the problem.

Help and try to make, homework more interesting and fun. Don’t pretend you know everything (this wasn’t a problem for us!!). Learn, be confused, solve, together.

Get help. We found siblings helping with homework was far more effective than we were, and often understood it better than we did. Older children can be good tutors, and money well spent.

Be positive, reward, praise. Praise, Hugs Kisses. Praise trying as well as success. Effort is more important than success. Success follows effort.

Be realistic. Our son can’t concentrate for longer than a few minutes on things he doesn’t like. Despite what we do. We take homework in small slots. We don’t push him for too long, it creates frustration on both side, tears and anger and failure. We reward hard work and encourage him to push himself but within the boundary of respecting and working with his concentration span.

Homework should be tolerable and as interesting and rewarding as you can make it. For each slot we reward in some way, can be as simple as a high five.

Make sure you and the school are working together. Have an open and current dialogue with school. . Feedback home life to school. Make sure the school understand and accommodate your child’s needs. Don’t be afraid to share tips that work for you. Our son responds better to visual prompts than verbal instructions. We’ve explained this to teachers, so they understand he’s not just being naughty or just not listening. Teachers need to understand and accommodate your child. Sadly, in our experience this is an ongoing effort and discussion.

Reward good work at school, in the home.

ADHD Expect the same from your school. Set the expectation that you’re a parent that appreciates working with the school for the shared aim of benefitting your child.

With Teenagers and beyond, talk in a positive way, about long term goals. What they enjoy, what they want to do. What they need to achieve. Be practical, encourage, aim for the stars.

Keep tabs on your own feelings. If you’re getting very frustrated or angry about your child’s school performance don’t bring it into your relationship with your child. Tackle this separately. Manage your behaviour, stay positive and respectful of your child’s abilities. Don’t create unnecessary tension and anguish.

If you feeling yourself getting angry or frustrated with your kids, take a step back and breathe, think. Put your children into context. If you expect perfection from your children when school is just another thing they struggle with, you’ll drive yourself crazy. Don’t expect them to be somewhere not, help them reach their potential.

Written by parents of three adopted children, with varying abilities and many challenges, that make them unique and deeply loved.  

Take care and never be afraid to reach out. Every day is a challenge but also a new day.  

www.cosychats.com is built to enable others to share their experience.