Stress busters.  

Let’s face it children will push your buttons and drive you up the wall. Our ones certainly do. What’s important is that you have ways of dealing with this stress.    

NHS England detail 10 Stress Busters, we’ve overlaid our experience to these.   

Be active  

‘Exercise won’t make your stress disappear, but it can reduce some of the emotional intensity that you’re feeling, clearing your thoughts and letting you deal with your problems more calmly.’

This helps.  Walking each day allows us the opportunity to think and put things in place. Being active helps us sleep better and get off to sleep easier.  

We find the benefit of being active is not the rushing about chasing children, it’s the more ‘calming’ activity that regulates our mind, allows us to think and work our way through problems and recent events. We’ve never tried yoga, but people rave about it.  

Take control 

‘If you think you cannot do anything about your problem, your stress can get worse.’ 

Feeling you’re not in control creates stress but often it doesn’t feel like were in control.  

Even in the chaos of family house you need to feel in control. You need to exert authority. We found, pick your battles, don’t sweat the small stuff. Do have rules but a house isn’t a prison.  Balance the rules with fun things but have punishments and stick to them.  You are in control. 

Feeling you’re in control will help and when you’re not, accepting this will help also.  Control isn’t calm and quiet all the time. It is accepting its ok to have a bit of chaos and fun but overall, you’re still in control.      

We found if things are getting too crazy then get them all out to a park, wind rain whatever get them out.  When they come back, they should be calmer.  

Connect with people 

‘A good support network of colleagues, friends and family can ease your work troubles and help you see things in a different way.’ 

It’s easy to isolate yourself and feel more and more alone. That no one understands your situation.  Make sure you connect with other parents, talk to people. Join on line and local groups.  

Really think about who you’re talking to. Talking to someone too negative and who just unloads their problems onto you probably isn’t going to help. Try to have more positive and supportive people round you.  

Take a look at the people you talk to. Maybe some new friends and people you can talk to would help.  

Maybe having someone outside your friendship group will also help.  Click here to browse CosyChats Service Providers.  

Have some “me time”  

‘Many of us work long hours, meaning we often don’t spend enough time doing things we really enjoy.’ 

Parenting is more than a traditional job, the hours are long, pays rubbish and the rewards can be distant. Therefore, me time is very important. So many parents prioritize children over their own needs but by doing this they neglect themselves. This doesn’t help you or help your children.  

You need to have a break, do something different, something you enjoy. If you don’t have time, it’s vital you make time. Being busy is not an excuse.   

Ideally go out do something different. Come out of your day to day family life bubble.  

Me time can be as simple as reading a magazine with a coffee in the park of your local café.  Having a long bath.  Taking time out to do what you want.  Here the house rules apply.  You need to have a break, if this means rules to enforce it then do it. Whatever it takes, have a break. Worst case sitting on the loo, with the door locked, hiding from your children. It all helps.    

Try, looking at the picture above, imagine being laid out next to the water, as the sun gently goes down. You’ve got that relaxed end of day warm feeling washing over you.  Irrespective of your actual day visualise this scene with you relaxing and soaking up the final hours of sunshine. Feel calmer and better for the day. In our minds we’ve visited this beach many times. It’s amazing how a simple image can bring refreshment to your day. Don’t go too often though as it gets familiar, just save it for when you really need to escape.      

Feel free to change the beach for whatever image brings you calm.  

Challenge yourself 

‘Setting yourself goals and challenges, whether at work or outside, such as learning a new language or a new sport, can help build confidence. This may help you deal with stress.’ 

We interpretated this one to don’t feel a failure. You may feel your life is challenging enough. You may not have time to learn a new; language, instrument, skill (we certainly don’t).  

We found the trick is to recognise the challenges you meet each day. Getting children to school for instance. Recognise the success you achieve each day, then build on this.  if you need a mental challenge then crosswords, word games or sudoku or the like are great. Make you sure you have free time to do them. The advantage being you can put them down and come back, there’s no rush.  

It’s good to do something different and challenge yourself but be realistic and mindful of over burdening yourself. Whatever you do make sure it brings you peace and serenity and don’t feel inferior or a failure because you’re not learning mandarin as well as bringing up children.     

Avoid unhealthy habits 

‘Don’t rely on alcohol, smoking and caffeine as your ways of coping.’ 

This is a really easy one to fall into. A quick fix that seems harmless and you’re in control.  

Think of the child who asks for something and for an easy life at that moment you say yes. Eventually you have a child who’s used to getting their own way, having tantrums when they don’t get their own way and not listening. Each time your say yes you re-enforce their behaviour.  Unhealthy habits seem a good idea at the time, but you can lose control longer term, and this just adds more to your stress and desire to medicate with unhealthy habits.   

Record your unhealthy habits.  When you drink smoke etc and how much.  Look for other solutions.  Using techniques to deal with stress.  Addressing the reasons and triggers for why you resort to unhealthy habits. 

Show your children a good example.   

Help other people 

‘Evidence shows that people who help others, through activities such as volunteering or community work, often become more resilient.’ 

Giving is good. Taking part in charity events can make you feel better about yourself. My daughter helped pick up litter at the beach on a day trip.  Which was amazing and encouraged us all to do it.  It felt good. Now I try to pick up a piece of litter every day and re-enforce what she started. Small gestures can result in great things.  

Work smarter, not harder 

‘Working smarter means prioritising your work, concentrating on the tasks that’ll make a real difference.’ 

Often people associate this to a business career, but it absolutely applies to a career bringing up children.  Swap the ox for a child and the food for treats.  

Concentrate on important things and accept that you can’t do everything.  Involve children. For instance, make washing and drying up something they can help with.  You want my attention then help me.  Washing up can be fun.  

Plan your day, what you’re going to do.  Add in breaks. If it doesn’t all go to plan don’t be too hard on yourself, plans often don’t go to plan but next time you can adjust it.  At the end of the day see what you’ve achieved and feel good about yourself.  

Concentrate on wins.  What can you achieve. Keeping rooms tidy may not be the best use of your time.  Something may have to slide.  Resolving that annoying thing will give your more satisfaction than tidying a room that gets messed up pretty quickly. Don’t live in a pigsty but you might have to accept untidiness.    

Try to be positive 

‘Look for the positives in life, and things for which you’re grateful.’ 

Look for the positives in life, and things for which you’re grateful. 

Try writing down 3 things that went well, or for which you’re grateful, at the end of every day. 

It’s very easy to get caught up in negatives.  You may have friends who are more negative than positive.  This will have an impact on you. You absolutely must find positives in your day. If you’ve had the day from hell, be realistic and think about the next day and what you can gain from it. First positive is that it can’t be worse than today.      

Being positive helps.  Practice smiling.  Watch something funny.  Try not to concentrate on the news.  You need positivity in your life.   

Accept the things you can’t change 

Changing a difficult situation isn’t always possible. Try to concentrate on the things you do have control over. 

Changing a difficult situation isn’t always possible. Try to concentrate on the things you do have control over. 

It’s a bit like the chaos point. You can’t control everything. So, some things you have to accept. Once you accept them, they become less of an issue.  Schools aren’t perfect and one size doesn’t fit all.  You can’t change the whole schooling model and system.  You have to work around/with it or consider alternatives.  Spending a lot of time trying to change things may not be the best use of your time, even though you’re probably right.  

Please share your tips and thoughts.  We’d love to hear from you.  

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/tips-to-reduce-stress/