Tag Archives: internet safety

A picture of a teenager considering are teenagers safe online

What to do When Your Child’s LIFE is Online Rather Than Real World?

Are teenagers safe ‘living’ their lives on-line?

Are teenagers safe, a question every generation of parents has asked for different reasons but this generation faces a new threat.

My daughter exists in the real world. I see her and she interacts. She goes to school and eats occasionally but her life is on-line. On-line is where she feel most comfortable, has her friends and communities. Its where she plays and create friendships.

If we go away she’s communicating on her phone and doesn’t really interact with her new surroundings. She has everything  she needs on-line.

I think this is sad but she appears happy enough and I wonder if this the world has just moved on and i should accept it.
Are teenagers safer on-line than in the real world?

She’s a teenager and says she understands the dangers of being on line and can navigate technology better than i can. She often reminds me being in the real world has dangers. The world is a divided and sometimes cruel place.  She blocks people she doesn’t like in a way she can’t do in the real world.

Part of me agrees and is glad she isn’t hanging out in our local park/town but as a parent it feels like i’m playing catch up all the time and often i don’t understand her digital world and life.

Online safety and privacy are my top concerns, with cyberbullying, online predators, and data breaches seemingly lurking around every corner. Then there’s the impact of social media on her self-esteem, relationships, and mental health.

Can my child manage her on-line life safely?

My daughter doesn’t appear to suffer from low self esteem or have a shortage or friends, even though they are on-line.  She talks to people all over the world and it has opened up new horizons to her.  If i ask here where she wants to go on holiday shes says Japan as she has a friend there and likes the culture.   I think of young me and i had very little appreciation or knowledge of such a culture.  The world is much smaller now.

Opportunities Through The Digital World.

I know there are benefits to the digital world. It presents opportunities for children to connect with others, access educational resources, and develop essential skills. Online learning platforms, educational apps, and social media can provide valuable learning experiences. The new world is digital and she’s definitely embracing it.

How to set boundaries for an on-line life?

I struggle to keep up with the latest trends and technologies, making it difficult to set boundaries and ensure she’s using the internet responsibly. I wouldn’t really know what to do apart from setting a time limit but this is like saying you can’t play with your friends any more.

I’ve spoken to her about the risks Cyber-bullying, digital addiction, and online harassment and she was honest and open about the risks.  She’s suffered cyber bullying and harassment and used her on-line friends to judge whats acceptable and what isn’t. Her group act as support as well as moral police.

This worried and saddened me as i didn’t know and wasn’t involved.  My judgement wasn’t needed and what was acceptable was determined by friends.  May be they are a good group of friends but maybe their all just teenagers finding their way in life but this is learning isn’t it.  Did I seek the opinion of my parent when i was a teenager?  No I didn’t and lived / learnt by my mistakes. Are teenagers more safe on-line than in the real world because of this support group that exists?

 

Should i be worried my teenage daughters life is on-line?

I keep coming back to this question and wondering are teenagers safe on-line, in the real world or do threats exist in both.

Should I be worried her life is on-line.  She has friends and groups.  I hear her laughing and talking one line.  She’s been in relationships with people round the other side of the world.  she’s not over the park drinking, taking drugs or meeting boys.  These all seem positives as i’d rather she was in doors than out late at night.  That makes me appear a selfish parent but i can’t help it. i want to keep her safe.

There is the other side where she is on-line talking to bad actors, people who aren’t what they say they are. Don’t have my daughters bets interests at heart and want to exploit her in some way.  It feels like where only an on-line step away from something terrible in far worse  way than a few drinks over the park and a bad hangover.

How do I Stay Connected To My daughter and her on-line life?
Don’t Dismiss On-Line as not real or relative.

My daughters on-line life is very real and important to her.  I’ve learnt and understand this.  To her its a real community of people that just communicate and exist on line.  To say its not real or not as good as real life connections isn’t relative to her and just demonstrates a lack of understanding.  I respect her life and her on-life life and friends.

However much she is on-line she has a real world life as well.

We encourage balance between on-line and real life.  An appreciation that she has a real world life as well.  We need to connect and communicate.  We eat together, have movie nights and do something as a family at least once a week.  Bowling, ice skating, something that cannot be done on-line just to anchor her back in the real world.

Time limits.

This is a difficult one as her friends are online.  She plays online and this makes her happy.  She’s at an age where she isn’t going to spend much time with us anyway so were quite relaxed about time on line.  We’ve tried daily limits and they caused heartache.  We’ve tried a free for all in the hope she would be bored.  Which didn’t really work although she did lose interest eventually.

We set reasonable limits.  That we want to to be reasonable about how much time she spends on line and time she spends off line.  If she can keep the balance we let her go on line.  I know there are all sorts of reasons why we should have strict limits but for us they don’t work.

Real World Activities that will engage her.

We try to promote real world activities.  If she wants MacDonalds we don’t just order it and bring it to her we all go out as a family and eat in.  We create real world experiences.

We ask what she wants to do and within reason try to do them.  We take ourselves out of our comfort zone as she’s coming out of hers.

Go where the Wifi is rubbish.

One i don’t admit to but if i’m booking a holiday and the site / hotel has poor wifi it doesn’t overly worry me.  We’ve been on holidays where she’s moaned about the wifi and come out with us in frustratiuon.  Either way it works for me and we spend more time together.

Am I Giving In To My Child?

I know it can be seen as giving in by some people and they’d say we should be firmer but they’re not our family.  It works for us and we’ve found a balance of sorts. Its not perfect but it works most of the time.  We do limit on-line time if we think its getting too much and is having a negative affect on our daughter.  that can be traumatic and we get plenty of tears and banging doors, which we don’t want.   I’ve got beyond thinking its only on-line to realising its her world.

Every family needs to find what works for them on-line v real world.

The point of this blog is to share our experience and say i’m sure you’re not alone.  we have friends with children that are the same. Children that go abroad and spend their time on phones missing technology.  As adults we think its sad but its their world.

Would we rather she was out, not telling us where she was and coming home late?

The answer to that is no.  I’d rather she was on-line with her friends whoever they may be. The question of are teenagers safe has never been more nuanced.  Never been more complicated.  The world world appears dangerous.  The on line world has hidden evils and dangers.  The point is whatever world your in, understanding and knowing the risks and protecting yourself is key but to achieve that you have to make a few mistakes, which has always been a frightening thing for a parent to accept.

 

Thank you for reading our blog and considering are teenagers safe in our modern, real and on-line world.

The Real and On-Line World are difficult to navigate but there is help available.

CosyChats is a personalised parent support Service that can provide support to parents across a wide range of parenting issues. Including supporting and understanding your child as their worlds go increasingly on line. How you can encourage them to see the benefits of real world relationships and interactions. How an on line and real friendship group can exist together. How maintaining and a strong and open relationship with your child is key to allow communication and that your child can come to you with any question or problem. On-line can be a scary place but so can real world and children need the support and guidance of parents.


For parents of Teenagers click here.

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👍🏼Where No Problem Is Too Big and No Question To Small



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🆘From Real Parents Who Know How Difficult Being a Parent Can Be



🧑‍🤝‍🧑Real Lived Knowledge & Experience



💻Virtual Sessions Where You Are In Control



Top 10 Benefits of the CosyChats service.

👍🏼Access to a wealth of Parenting Experience and Knowledge.

👍🏼Your own personalised 1-2-1 service.

👍🏼A safe space free from judgement and shame.

👍🏼You are in control and choose the CosyChats parent and service that’s right for you.

👍🏼Years of lessons learnt and experience gained that can all be shared.

👍🏼Being understood and your needs heard.

👍🏼No question is too small, no problem too big.

👍🏼Compassion and support from people who understand how difficult being a parent can be.

👍🏼Its affordable and is far greater value than professional providers.

👍🏼Meetings are on online so you can join from where you feel most comfortable.

 

 

Are Your Kids READY For Their First Phone?

Is your child really ready for their first phone?

 

What are the dangers of mobile phones and social media for kids. Parents need to understand this question and answer before they can decide what age their child needs to be have a mobile phone.

This isn’t easy and as parents we’ve personally struggled with understanding the dangers of mobile phones and social media for kids. (I think were more likely to know the benefits of smartphones as its drummed into us by phones companies and operators.)

So, what’s the right age to give your kid a mobile phone?

It’s the question that haunts modern parenting, that endless negotiation between your child’s begging and your own gut-wrenching worry. And while you’re probably thinking about stranger danger or screen time, the real story the data tells is much scarier. Researchers have found a shocking spike in teen depression and anxiety that lines up almost perfectly with when smartphones took over the world. One analysis in Ontario, for instance, found that the number of teens reporting serious mental distress jumped from 24% to 39% in just four years, right as smartphones became common. That’s not a coincidence; it’s a warning shot we can’t afford to ignore. So the dangers of mobile phones and social media for kids exist. Your fears are real.

So how do we even begin to tackle this? A phone can be a lifeline, a way to know your child is safe. But it’s also a portal to a world that can be incredibly harmful. Today, we’re cutting through the noise. We’re going to break down the safety benefits versus the very real developmental risks to help you make a choice that feels right for your family.

The Problem – A Parent’s Modern Dilemma

Let’s face it, the pressure to give your child a phone is coming from every direction. Your kid swears that *literally everyone* has one, and that fear of them being left out is real. Phones are the new town square; it’s how they connect with friends. And then there’s the safety argument, which is a powerful one.

In a world without payphones, knowing your child can call you in an emergency brings incredible peace of mind. You can check their location, get that “I’m here!” text, and coordinate pickups without a series of ridiculous “if you leave by 6:15, and I leave by 6:25…” plans. Plus, these things are amazing learning tools, with instant access to information that can help with school.

But we all feel that knot in our stomach, and it’s there for a reason. We’ve handed our kids devices that are literally designed to be addictive. Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt calls them “dopamine delivery mechanisms” engineered to keep us scrolling for one more hit. And we see the results, don’t we?

Family dinners sliced apart by notifications, homework losing the battle for focus, and that constant, nagging distraction. We are stuck. We want to keep them safe out there, but to do it, we expose them to a digital world full of its own dangers, from cyberbullying to content they can never unsee. The problem is, both choices—giving them a phone or not—feel like a gamble. This isn’t a simple yes or no. It’s about understanding what you’re really signing up for. Its about understanding the dangers of mobile phones and social media for kids.

Agitating the Stakes – The Risks vs. The Realities

To make the right call, we have to get honest about what’s at stake. And these risks aren’t just hypotheticals—they are documented and they are serious.

First, mental health. The connection between heavy smartphone use and poor mental health in teens is now undeniable. Research shows that teens who spend five or more hours a day on their devices are more likely to have a risk factor for suicide. Older who are heavy social media users are more likely to say they’re unhappy compared to their peers who spend less time online.

This is more than just feeling down. We’re seeing a measurable increase in major depression, self-harm, and anxiety, especially in girls. It’s a double-edged sword: the phone itself rewires their brain for distraction, while social media creates a relentless, exhausting performance of social comparison and judgment.

This is something personally we have experienced with our children’s mobile phone use.  They believe it makes them happy but ultimately also unhappy. Its a strange paradox.

Then there’s the physical damage. All that screen time is a thief of sleep. The blue light from their phones actively suppresses melatonin, the hormone that signals it’s time to rest. Teens on screens for three or more hours a day are nearly 30% more likely to get less than seven hours of sleep. And that doesn’t just make them cranky; it torpedoes their mood, their ability to learn, and their overall health.

Please note the dangers of a mobile phone and social media for kids, isn’t just for kids, adults are affected in the same way. Ever woken up in the night looked at your mobile phone and then found it difficult to get back t sleep. That’s the ‘wake up’ blue light.

And of course, there are the classic dangers of an unfiltered internet: exposure to violence or pornography, the very real threat of online predators, and cyberbullying that follows them home, into their bedroom, with no escape. We also can’t ignore privacy. Kids don’t instinctively understand that their personal data is valuable, and they can be easily manipulated into sharing things that put your whole family at risk. Again dangers of mobile phones and social media for kids isn’t just kids it can impact your whole family.

But… we have to be fair. There’s the other fear, right? The fear of what happens if they *don’t* have a phone. Will they be left out? Will they be able to get help if they’re in trouble? This is the core of it all: you feel damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. This conflict can be paralyzing, but it doesn’t have to be. The answer isn’t to just give in or to ban them forever. The answer is to have a plan.

A 5-Step Guide to Mobile Phone Readiness

So what’s a parent to do? The solution isn’t a magic number, because maturity doesn’t show up on a birthday. It’s all about readiness. Here’s a practical, five-step plan to help you decide and to prepare your whole family for this huge step.

Assess Readiness, Not Age.

Forget the age. Ask better questions. Is my child responsible? Does she handle her homework and chores without you having to nag her into oblivion? Does he show empathy for others? Can they be trusted with something valuable? Here’s a great test: how do they handle losing things? If they can’t keep track of a winter coat, they are not ready for a thousand-dollar piece of tech. And this is a moment for you to look in the mirror, too. Are *you* ready to put in the time to monitor their usage and have some tough conversations?

Have “The Talk” – And Put It In Writing.

Before that phone even comes out of the box, you need to set the ground rules. This isn’t a lecture. It’s a conversation that ends with a signed family contract. This contract should cover:

**Boundaries:** Be crystal clear about when and where the mobile phone is off-limits. No phones at the dinner table. No phones in the bedroom overnight. All phones get put away an hour before bed. Period.

**Privacy:** Talk about what’s okay to share online and what isn’t. No full name, no school, no home address.

**Safety:** Get real about online predators and the non-negotiable rule of never meeting up with someone they only know online. And talk about cyberbullying: what it is, that you expect them never to do it, and that they must come to you the second it happens to them.

**Parental Access:** Make it clear that you will have the passwords and the right to check their mobile phone. This isn’t spying; it’s parenting. It’s safety.

The dangers of a mobile phone and social media for kids outweigh their personal privacy in our experience.

Step 3: Choose Your Tools Wisely.

You don’t have to do this alone; there’s tech built to help you. For younger kids, think about a “starter” phone. Companies like Gabb and Pinwheel make devices that look cool but have no internet browser or social media. They can call and text approved people, you can track their location, and they might have some safe, curated apps. It’s all the safety with none of the major risks.

Once you graduate to a smartphone, parental controls are not optional. Apple’s Screen Time and Google’s Family Link are free, powerful tools. You can set time limits on apps, filter content, and approve any new app downloads.

For extra peace of mind, services like Bark can scan their texts and social media for red flags like bullying or depression and alert you. Tools like these can give you peace of mind that barriers are in place to protect from the dangers of mobile phones and social media for kids but nothing is fool proof. YOU must keep vigilant.

Establish Clear, Enforceable Consequences.

Rules without consequences are just suggestions. Your contract needs to spell out exactly what happens when a rule is broken, and it should make sense. If they ignore the screen time limits, they lose phone privileges for a day. If you catch them on it after bedtime, maybe they lose it for the whole week.

The point isn’t to punish them; it’s to teach them that a phone is a privilege that is earned and can be lost.

Step 5: Model the Behavior You Want to See.

This is the hardest part, guaranteed. Our kids absorb what we *do* far more than what we *say*. If you’re telling them to get off their mobile phone at dinner while you’re scrolling through work emails, you’ve already lost. Set mobile phone-free times and zones for the whole family. Be present. Show them, with your actions, that real life is way more interesting than anything happening on a screen.

As Jonathan Haidt says, you can’t just take away their screens; you have to give them a real-world childhood in its place.

Conclusion

There is no perfect answer or magic age for this. The decision to give your child a mobile phone is personal, but it doesn’t have to be a blind leap into the abyss. By focusing on their readiness, setting firm boundaries, using the tools you have, and—most importantly—modeling the behavior you want to see, you can give your child the safety of a phone while protecting them from its biggest risks.

Remember, the best parental control mobile phone app on the market is you. It’s your open, trusting relationship with your child. It’s the ongoing conversation. You are their guide to the digital world, just like you are for the real one.

A recent Gallup poll showed that a strong relationship with parents can dramatically lower mental health risks, even for kids with high screen time. You are the most important part of this equation. You aren’t powerless. You are the parent. You’ve got this.

This Blog was written by an adoptive parent of three children who all have a mobile phone. They where allowed a mobile phone at different ages (which was difficult) but necessary. Children develop differently and their abilities and responsibility differs and must be noted. Age is a number no a certainty of responsibility.

Phones are an integral part of our children’s and (admittedly) our lives. Understanding the damaging affects of phones has allowed us to educate our children as to the dangers and benefits of phone use and we hope empower them to use the responsibly.

The Real and On-Line World are difficult to navigate but there is help available.

CosyChats is a personalised parent support Service that can provide support to parents across a wide range of parenting issues including deciding when is right to give your child a phone, boundaries you put in place and how you monitor phone and technology use.

🛟1-2-1 Personalised Parent Support

Sessions
🧷 Safe Spaces Free From Judgement and Shame

👍🏼Where No Problem Is Too Big and No Question To Small

👩‍👦Offering Compassion and Understanding

🆘From Real Parents Who Know How Difficult Being a Parent Can Be

🧑‍🤝‍🧑Real Lived Knowledge & Experience

💻Virtual Sessions Where You Are In Control

Top 10 Benefits of the CosyChats service.


👍🏼Access to a wealth of Parenting Experience and Knowledge.

👍🏼Your own personalised 1-2-1 service.

👍🏼A safe space free from judgement and shame.

👍🏼You are in control and choose the CosyChats parent and service that’s right for you.

👍🏼Years of lessons learnt and experience gained that can all be shared.

👍🏼Being understood and your needs heard.

👍🏼No question is too small, no problem too big.

👍🏼Compassion and support from people who understand how difficult being a parent can be.

👍🏼Its affordable and is far greater value than professional providers.

👍🏼Meetings are on online so you can join from where you feel most comfortable.