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Why People SHOULD Have Children

August 6, 2025Blog, New Parents, Uncategorizedchild development, child free, child psychology, family planning, family values, generational impact, having children, having kids, jordan peterson, life with children, parenthood, parenting, parenting advice, parenting challenges, parenting tips, philosophy, psychology, raising kids, should i have kids, why have kidsTim E

Why People SHOULD Have Children: An Honest Look

There are so many reason NOT to have children that sometimes it feels overwhelming and frightening thinking about having children. Lets be clear having children is both of those things and many more but for us the joys far out weight the fears and negatives.

Before we start I don’t want you to read this blog and think I’ve persuaded you to have children. YOU must want children.

This blog is for people who want children but are faced with so may fears and negatives they retreat back in fear from the decision.

Acknowledging the Doubts

We’re often told that to choose children, you have to be ready to sacrifice it all: your freedom, lifestyle, finances, your body, your career, your sleep, your very identity. That’s a terrifying thought and not one that i’m going to say isn’t true. All those things can be true. It’s the main reason people end up on the fence. We see parenthood as a list of losses. But that’s only half the story. What if the things you gain are so immense, so foundational, that you can’t even measure them? The truth is, choosing (or not) to have children is probably the biggest and greatest decision you’ll probably make in your life.

Let’s start with the “before,” because I think it’s where most people reading this are.

The world constantly reminds us of the reasons *not* to have kids. We hear about the financial strain, the environmental impact, and the sheer, bone-deep exhaustion.

For women they may look at their careers and wonder how we could possibly step away, even for a little while. We’re afraid of losing the identity we’ve worked so hard to build. We see the curated perfection on social media and feel the insane pressure to be a “perfect parent,” which feels like an impossible standard.

On top of all that, there’s a deeper, more existential fear. Are we ready? Is this a world we should bring a child into? These questions are heavy, and they are valid.

It’s easy to look at the sleepless nights and the massive responsibilities and just say, “No, thank you. My life is good as it is.” It’s okay to feel that your life is full without children. It’s okay to be scared of the change children bring. Both are valid.

The barriers to having children.

So lets look at two of the biggest issues. Cost and Change.

Cost: Children can (do) cost a lot of money.

No getting away from it children are expensive. They are a drain on finances but is cost a valid reason not to have children. No one wants to see children brought into poverty but what is poverty? Not going on foreign holidays isn’t poverty. Taking hand me downs isn’t poverty. Scrimping and saving isn’t necessarily poverty. Sure there are sacrifices but children from low incomes homes are no less loved, no less cared for, by parents who love and cherish their children whatever.

I admire families that have to watch the pennies, who don’t have luxuries but have the greatest luxury of all, each other.

My father talked about a ‘rich mans paradise’, having everything material, big house, nice car, suntan but really owning nothing valuable as really none of those luxuries matter.

I’ll give you a moment to think about that…..

Families can make do without a lot and sacrifices will have to be made but whether or not you can afford children is a decision. Be honest if you still want nice holidays and cars and can’t afford children as well, DON’t feel guilty about this. I certainly don’t blame you. You have decided life is for you and living and i’m sure there are many parents who look at you enviously sometimes.

Do you sums with and without children. If you are willing to make sacrifices then you need to decide if the sacrifices in having children are worth making. Can you go without and make do, whatever make do looks like for you.

It maybe tough financially. Money maybe tighter but life’s not perfect and money’s not everything. It maybe baked beans on toast for several years but if your willing there’s a way.

This may sound flippant as MONEY is a huge concern for many people but look back over generations money has been tight. Think of your own childhood, did you have lots of money, presents piled high. Go back another generation and it was fruit and one toy for presents. The point is yes money is a big thing and yes children cost money in lots of ways BUT money doesn’t make a child happy, the love, attention, play and presence of their parents and family does.

This is a decision you CAN make.

Change: The Change in life.

This ones quite simple. Its huge but its not all sleepless nights and nappy changes, although that is a lot of it. Its equally looking at your child with emotion you didn’t think you had. Love so real it hurts to your bones to think of losing it. The change is life changing but in such a good way.

The fear of change is often worse than change itself. We adapt and get on with it. The freedoms you had before will not be there but parenting life isn’t a ball and chains, there are still moments of freedom and time to be yourself. Just far less of them 🙂.

Is anyone anyone ever ready?

This is a key point for anyone on the fence: you’ll probably never feel 100% “ready.” There’s never a perfect time. You’ll never feel like you have quite enough money, your house will never feel big enough, and you’ll never feel wise enough. The decision to have a child isn’t about checking off a list of requirements. It’s about being ready to grow. It’s about being open to the idea that your life could be about more than just you.

No one can tell you when and if your ready for this. You’ll know when your ready but don’t let it be because of a list of things you need to tick. Sure be practical, be realistic but don’t become so fearful of the list of reasons you shouldn’t have children, you become blinkered to anything else.

The unexpected. A new sense of purpose, parenting and legacy.

Parents often say they have a new, profound sense of purpose. Life is no longer abstract and lacking direction. Purpose is tangible, real and laying in their arms, needing them for literally everything.

You see your own parents in a new light, with a whole new appreciation for what they did. It can strengthen your bond with your partner as you navigate this huge challenge together, and research has shown that fathers, in particular, often report more meaning in their lives when they have a good relationship with their child. <BR><BR>And interestingly, some studies suggest that the increased social support and healthier behaviors tied to raising kids might even lead to parents living longer lives.<

Finally, there’s the idea of legacy. This isn’t about creating a mini-me. It’s about passing on your values, your stories, and your love. It’s about knowing that a part of you, in the most beautiful sense, carries on. It’s a connection to the future that is both humbling and awe-inspiring. You are a link in a chain, and your job is to make that chain as strong and as loving as you can.

What to Consider – The Real Questions

So, if you’re still on the fence, what should you really be asking yourself? The question isn’t, “Am I ready to give things up?” The real question is, “Am I open to a different kind of fulfillment?”

Forget the checklists. The real questions are deeper. Are you willing to have your definition of happiness completely taken apart and then rebuilt into something bigger and more resilient? Are you open to discovering a love that isn’t transactional, but sacrificial—and in turn, more rewarding than any love you’ve known?

Are you ready to grow in ways you can’t even imagine, to be pushed to your limits and find out you’re stronger than you ever thought?

Parenthood isn’t the only path to a meaningful life, and it’s a deeply personal choice that should never be made because of pressure. But it is a uniquely trans-formative one. The fear of losing your identity is real, but what I’ve found is that you don’t lose yourself. You find a deeper, more essential version of yourself that was there all along, just waiting to be needed.

My personal experience

Do it. You’ll manage somehow. You’ll find a way. Sure there are sacrifices, sometimes huge sacrifices but the rewards are FAR bigger for me. The sense of belonging and doing (being part of) something amazing are real. The love and connection is real, even if you can barely see it when they become teenagers.

Save children. Its not one size fits all but if you listen to fears you’d never do anything. Sometimes in life you just have to jump but remember you choose to jump but NEVER blame your children for your decisions.

Go into being a parent with your eyes open. Know the sacrifices and reasons why you want children. Spend time thinking, not being scared and if after all the deliberation you can see a world with children. Make do. As children will enrich your life in so many ways.

So we’ve got to the end. The purpose of this blog was to present the other side of the coin. That there are so many reasons not to have children but let me leave you with a different perspective. Start at the one question that matters. Ask yourself do you want children? Ignore everything else, every reason why you can’t, every fear and worry.

One Simple Question : DO you want Children?

This answers drives the rest of your questions. If you want them find a way. Make things works. Sacrifice and make do if you need to. Then you will be a parent.

I hope this blog has been useful. As I say my intention isn’t to convince you, its to think of the other side and what life would be like with children. How poor you could be in one sense but how rich your would be in another. I hope this makes sense.

This blog was written by an adoptive parent in the UK who understands making sacrifices for children. Why after all that they have sacrificed they wouldn’t change it or their children for anything because there is such thing as a poor mans paradise and its so much better than the rich mans paradise.

Good luck and best wishes whatever you decide to do.

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Is your child really ready for their first phone?

August 3, 2025Adoption, Healthy, Kids, Teenagers, Your Wellbeingage appropriate, child development, child psychology, dangers of technology use, digital parenting, EE Phone chat guide, ee phone guide, family advice, internet safety, kids, kids and technology, mobile devices, online education, online safety, parenting, parenting tips, parents, phone use in teenagers, raising kids, responsible parenting, screen time, smartphone, smartphone safety, smartphone use, tech for kids, technology, what age should kids have a phoneTim E

What are the dangers of mobile phones and social media for kids. Parents need to understand this question and answer before they can decide what age their child needs to be have a mobile phone

This isn’t easy and as parents we’ve personally struggled with understanding the dangers of mobile phones and social media for kids. (I think were more likely to know the benefits of smartphones as its drummed into us by phones companies and operators.)

So, what’s the right age to give your kid a smartphone?

It’s the question that haunts modern parenting, that endless negotiation between your child’s begging and your own gut-wrenching worry. And while you’re probably thinking about stranger danger or screen time, the real story the data tells is much scarier. Researchers have found a shocking spike in teen depression and anxiety that lines up almost perfectly with when smartphones took over the world. One analysis in Ontario, for instance, found that the number of teens reporting serious mental distress jumped from 24% to 39% in just four years, right as smartphones became common. That’s not a coincidence; it’s a warning shot we can’t afford to ignore. So the dangers of mobile phones and social media for kids exist. Your fears are real.

So how do we even begin to tackle this? A phone can be a lifeline, a way to know your child is safe. But it’s also a portal to a world that can be incredibly harmful. Today, we’re cutting through the noise. We’re going to break down the safety benefits versus the very real developmental risks to help you make a choice that feels right for your family.

The Problem – A Parent’s Modern Dilemma

Let’s face it, the pressure to give your child a phone is coming from every direction. Your kid swears that *literally everyone* has one, and that fear of them being left out is real. Phones are the new town square; it’s how they connect with friends. And then there’s the safety argument, which is a powerful one. In a world without payphones, knowing your child can call you in an emergency brings incredible peace of mind. You can check their location, get that “I’m here!” text, and coordinate pickups without a series of ridiculous “if you leave by 6:15, and I leave by 6:25…” plans. Plus, these things are amazing learning tools, with instant access to information that can help with school.

But we all feel that knot in our stomach, and it’s there for a reason. We’ve handed our kids devices that are literally designed to be addictive. Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt calls them “dopamine delivery mechanisms” engineered to keep us scrolling for one more hit. And we see the results, don’t we? Family dinners sliced apart by notifications, homework losing the battle for focus, and that constant, nagging distraction. We are stuck. We want to keep them safe out there, but to do it, we expose them to a digital world full of its own dangers, from cyberbullying to content they can never unsee. The problem is, both choices—giving them a phone or not—feel like a gamble. This isn’t a simple yes or no. It’s about understanding what you’re really signing up for. Its about understanding the dangers of mobile phones and social media for kids.

Agitating the Stakes – The Risks vs. The Realities

To make the right call, we have to get honest about what’s at stake. And these risks aren’t just hypotheticals—they are documented and they are serious.

First, mental health. The connection between heavy smartphone use and poor mental health in teens is now undeniable. Research shows that teens who spend five or more hours a day on their devices are more likely to have a risk factor for suicide. Older who are heavy social media users are more likely to say they’re unhappy compared to their peers who spend less time online. This is more than just feeling down. We’re seeing a measurable increase in major depression, self-harm, and anxiety, especially in girls. It’s a double-edged sword: the phone itself rewires their brain for distraction, while social media creates a relentless, exhausting performance of social comparison and judgment.

This is something personally we have experienced with our children’s phone use. They believe it makes them happy but ultimately also unhappy. Its a strange paradox.

Then there’s the physical damage. All that screen time is a thief of sleep. The blue light from their phones actively suppresses melatonin, the hormone that signals it’s time to rest. Teens on screens for three or more hours a day are nearly 30% more likely to get less than seven hours of sleep. And that doesn’t just make them cranky; it torpedoes their mood, their ability to learn, and their overall health. Please note the dangers of mobile phones and social media for kids, isn’t just for kids, adults are affected in the same way. Ever woken up in the night looked at your mobile and then found it difficult to get back t sleep. That’s the ‘wake up’ blue light.

And of course, there are the classic dangers of an unfiltered internet: exposure to violence or pornography, the very real threat of online predators, and cyberbullying that follows them home, into their bedroom, with no escape. We also can’t ignore privacy. Kids don’t instinctively understand that their personal data is valuable, and they can be easily manipulated into sharing things that put your whole family at risk. Again dangers of mobile phones and social media for kids isn’t just kids it can impact your whole family.

But… we have to be fair. There’s the other fear, right? The fear of what happens if they *don’t* have a phone. Will they be left out? Will they be able to get help if they’re in trouble? This is the core of it all: you feel damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. This conflict can be paralyzing, but it doesn’t have to be. The answer isn’t to just give in or to ban them forever. The answer is to have a plan.

A 5-Step Guide to Smartphone Readiness

So what’s a parent to do? The solution isn’t a magic number, because maturity doesn’t show up on a birthday. It’s all about readiness. Here’s a practical, five-step plan to help you decide and to prepare your whole family for this huge step.

Assess Readiness, Not Age.

Forget the age. Ask better questions. Is my child responsible? Does she handle her homework and chores without you having to nag her into oblivion? Does he show empathy for others? Can they be trusted with something valuable? Here’s a great test: how do they handle losing things? If they can’t keep track of a winter coat, they are not ready for a thousand-dollar piece of tech. And this is a moment for you to look in the mirror, too. Are *you* ready to put in the time to monitor their usage and have some tough conversations?

Have “The Talk” – And Put It In Writing.

Before that phone even comes out of the box, you need to set the ground rules. This isn’t a lecture. It’s a conversation that ends with a signed family contract. This contract should cover:

**Boundaries:** Be crystal clear about when and where the phone is off-limits. No phones at the dinner table. No phones in the bedroom overnight. All phones get put away an hour before bed. Period.

**Privacy:** Talk about what’s okay to share online and what isn’t. No full name, no school, no home address.

**Safety:** Get real about online predators and the non-negotiable rule of never meeting up with someone they only know online. And talk about cyberbullying: what it is, that you expect them never to do it, and that they must come to you the second it happens to them.

**Parental Access:** Make it clear that you will have the passwords and the right to check their phone. This isn’t spying; it’s parenting. It’s safety.

The dangers of mobile phones and social media for kids outweigh their personal privacy in our experience.

Step 3: Choose Your Tools Wisely.

You don’t have to do this alone; there’s tech built to help you. For younger kids, think about a “starter” phone. Companies like Gabb and Pinwheel make devices that look cool but have no internet browser or social media. They can call and text approved people, you can track their location, and they might have some safe, curated apps. It’s all the safety with none of the major risks.

Once you graduate to a smartphone, parental controls are not optional. Apple’s Screen Time and Google’s Family Link are free, powerful tools. You can set time limits on apps, filter content, and approve any new app downloads. For extra peace of mind, services like Bark can scan their texts and social media for red flags like bullying or depression and alert you. Tools like these can give you peace of mind that barriers are in place to protect from the dangers of mobile phones and social media for kids but nothing is fool proof. YOU must keep vigilant.

Establish Clear, Enforceable Consequences.

Rules without consequences are just suggestions. Your contract needs to spell out exactly what happens when a rule is broken, and it should make sense. If they ignore the screen time limits, they lose phone privileges for a day. If you catch them on it after bedtime, maybe they lose it for the whole week. The point isn’t to punish them; it’s to teach them that a phone is a privilege that is earned and can be lost.

Step 5: Model the Behavior You Want to See.

This is the hardest part, guaranteed. Our kids absorb what we *do* far more than what we *say*. If you’re telling them to get off their phone at dinner while you’re scrolling through work emails, you’ve already lost. Set phone-free times and zones for the whole family. Be present. Show them, with your actions, that real life is way more interesting than anything happening on a screen. As Jonathan Haidt says, you can’t just take away their screens; you have to give them a real-world childhood in its place.

Conclusion

There is no perfect answer or magic age for this. The decision to give your child a phone is personal, but it doesn’t have to be a blind leap into the abyss. By focusing on their readiness, setting firm boundaries, using the tools you have, and—most importantly—modeling the behavior you want to see, you can give your child the safety of a phone while protecting them from its biggest risks.

Remember, the best parental control app on the market is you. It’s your open, trusting relationship with your child. It’s the ongoing conversation. You are their guide to the digital world, just like you are for the real one. A recent Gallup poll showed that a strong relationship with parents can dramatically lower mental health risks, even for kids with high screen time. You are the most important part of this equation. You aren’t powerless. You are the parent. You’ve got this.

This Blog was written by an adoptive parent of three children who all have phones. They where allowed phones at different ages (which was difficult) but necessary. Children develop differently and their abilities and responsibility differs and must be noted. Age is a number no a certainty of responsibility.

Phones are an integral part of our children’s and (admittedly) our lives. Understanding the damaging affects of phones has allowed us to educate our children as to the dangers and benefits of phone use and we hope empower them to use the responsibly.

The EE Phone chat guide is a separate guide provided by the telecoms phone operator EE.

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