Posted on May 8, 2023

In today's world, social media and technology is a significant part of our lives. From scrolling through our newsfeeds to posting updates about our daily lives, we're constantly connected to the virtual world. But what about our kids? As parents, it's crucial to strike a balance between screen time and real-life interactions. Technology addiction is a real threat and were in danger of technology becoming a babysitter and parent to our children, while we're glued to our phones.

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The pros and cons of social media for kids  

Here are some recent statistics from Pew Research org to ponder on:  

In regard to social media,

Nearly half of parents are extremally worried about their children being exposed to explicit content (46%), wasting too much time (42%) or being distracted from homework (38%).

A third of parents are extremally worried about their children; sharing too much personal information (34%), feeling pressurised to act in a certain way (32%), being harassed (29%), experiencing problem's with anxiety or depression (28%) and experiencing low self esteem (27%).

If you don't share these concerns you need to ask yourself why don't I?

'The father of a 14-year-old who took her own life has told her inquest he was shocked that such "dark, graphic, harmful material" was readily available to be seen by children online.' Ian Russell

Social media can be a double-edged sword for kids. On the one hand, it allows them to connect with friends and family, share their interests, and explore new ideas. On the other hand, it can expose them to cyberbullying, inappropriate content online predators and addiction. As parents, it's essential to understand the pros and cons of social media and technology and how it impacts all our children.  

One of the benefits of social media is that it can help kids develop their social skills. By interacting with others online, they can learn how to communicate effectively, express themselves, and build friendships. Social media can also be a great source of inspiration and creativity. For example, platforms like YouTube and Instagram can encourage kids to explore their interests, discover new hobbies, and express their unique perspectives.  

However, social media also has its drawbacks. Cyberbullying is a prevalent issue that can have long-term effects on kids' mental health. Inappropriate content, such as violence or sexual content, can also be easily accessible on social media. Additionally, social media can lead to social comparison and FOMO (fear of missing out), which can harm kids' self-esteem and sense of belonging. Therefore, it's crucial to set boundaries and teach our kids how to use social media safely and responsibly.  

Setting boundaries: Tips for managing screen time  

One of the most effective ways to balance screen time and real-life interactions is to set boundaries. By establishing clear rules and expectations, we can help our kids develop healthy habits around technology. Here are some tips for managing screen time:  

Create a family media plan: A family media plan is a written agreement that outlines how much screen time is allowed each day, what types of media are acceptable, and when and where devices can be used. By involving your kids in the process, you can help them feel more invested in the plan and more likely to follow it. Use the parent functions in devices to set limits, it's much easier than you taking devices off your children.  

Encourage offline activities: Encourage your kids to participate in offline activities, such as sports, arts, or social events. This will help them develop a balance between screen time and real-life interactions and foster their creativity and social skills.  

Set device-free zones: Designate certain areas in your home where devices are not allowed, such as the dinner table or bedrooms. This will help your kids develop healthy boundaries around technology and encourage them to engage in real-life conversations and activities.  

Be a Positive Role Model: As a parent, it's essential to be a positive role model for your child when it comes to social media usage. Lead by example and practice healthy social media habits yourself. Avoid oversharing personal information and be mindful of the content you post online.  

Be strong, remember, the key to setting boundaries is to be consistent and firm. By sticking to the rules, you set, you can help your kids develop healthy habits around technology and foster their overall well-being.  

Teaching digital citizenship and online safety  

Another critical aspect of parenting in the age of social media is teaching our kids about digital citizenship and online safety. By equipping them with the skills and knowledge they need to navigate the digital world, we can help them stay safe and responsible online. Here are some tips for teaching digital citizenship and online safety:  

Talk about online privacy: Teach your kids about the importance of protecting their personal information online, such as their name, address, and phone number. Encourage them to use nicknames and not to share personal information and passwords.   

The window tests.  Children need to understand comments, pictures, posts etc that are shared online are stored online.  A good rule is if you're not comfortable putting it on a piece of paper and pasting to your window it shouldn’t be shared online.   

Be wary of who you speak to.  We have a rule of only communicating with people you know. We relate it back into the real world where you wouldn’t speak to a stranger.  It becomes a little blurred in games where there’s in play interaction, but we’ve spoken about the difference with talking about a game and having a personal conversation. We found that if we set rules our children would discuss various points and scenarios with us so we could talk it through and think about what we should and shouldn’t say.  Not wanting to scare them but having them aware enough to identify risks and triggers.    Keeping the lines of communication open is key.  

Cyberbullying is a prevalent issue that can have severe consequences for kids' mental health. Talk to your kids about what cyberbullying is. Make it clear what the rules are, so they don’t inadvertently fall into it. What the signs are and if they recognise it what they should do.  Whether its bullying they suffer or witness.  

By teaching digital citizenship and online safety, we can help our kids develop critical thinking skills and make informed decisions about their online activities. Technology is not going away and so we need to educate its use.   

Navigating FOMO (fear of missing out) and social comparison  

 One of the challenges of social media is that it can lead to FOMO (fear of missing out) and social comparison. Kids may feel pressure to keep up with their peers' activities or feel inadequate compared to others' achievements. As parents, it's essential to help our kids navigate these challenges and develop a healthy self-image. Here are some tips for navigating FOMO and social comparison:  

Encourage gratitude: Help your kids focus on what they have rather than what they lack. Discuss the things they have that we all should be grateful for.  

Foster real-life connections: Encourage your kids to spend time with friends and family in real life. This will help them develop real life relationships that give them a sense of belonging and existence.  Sounds idyllic but as any parent of a teen or near teen knows, even communicating with them can be challenging. Learn how to connect with your teenager.

Teach media literacy: Teach your kids how to critically evaluate media messages and advertisements. Help them understand that social media often presents an idealized version of reality and that it's essential to look beyond the surface to see the whole picture.  

Understand body image and imperfections.  Educate them to accept imperfections in themselves and others. Life is not an airbrushed image or perfect life story.   

By navigating FOMO and social comparison, we can help our kids develop a healthy sense of self-worth and build resilience against the pressures and apparent perfections of social media.  

Building healthy relationships with social media  

Social media can be a valuable tool for building connections and sharing experiences. However, it's crucial to use it in moderation and maintain a healthy relationship with it. Here are some tips for building a healthy relationship with social media:  

Use social media intentionally: To use social media with intention, such as to connect with friends or share their interests. Avoid mindless scrolling or using social media as a way to escape real-life problems.  

Monitor your emotions: Pay attention to how your family feels and reacts when using social media. If you notice feelings of anxiety, stress, or jealousy, suggest taking a break from social media or limiting their usage. As parents look at each other, it can be quite frightening.   

Find positive role models: Find positive role models on social media, such as influencers or creators who promote healthy habits and positive self-image.  

Set a good example.  There’s no point saying one thing and doing another.  Set a good example, practice sensible and safe technology use and lead by example.  Follow your own device free zones, for instance at mealtimes.  

Finding balance: Encouraging real-life experiences  

As parents, it's essential to encourage your family to engage in real-life experiences and activities. By doing so, we can help them develop a well-rounded perspective and foster their creativity and social skills. Here are some tips for encouraging real-life experiences:  

Plan regular family activities, such as game nights, outdoor adventures, or volunteer work. This will help your kids develop a sense of belonging and strengthen your family bonds. Let your children choose and go with it, even if you hate it, it's what interests them and will engage them.  

Encourage hobbies and interests: Hobbies can be great for encouraging creativity, passion and building self-confidence. Try new things and join clubs.   The duke of Edinburgh Scheme and Scouts are two good examples.  Learning an instrument another.  

Promote physical activity: Ideally sports but exercise generally is good. This helps maintain a healthy lifestyle and foster overall well-being.  

Again, you need to lead by example, even if that just getting everyone out for a walk, which is a great way of connecting with nature and talking to your children. Real-life experiences are vital to development of a sense of purpose and fulfilment beyond the screen.  

The role of parental monitoring software  

Parental monitoring software can be a helpful tool for managing your kids' screen time and online activities. However, it's essential to use it in conjunction with other strategies and to respect your kids' privacy and autonomy. Here are some tips for using parental monitoring software effectively:  

Set clear expectations: Discuss with your kids why you're using parental monitoring software and what you hope to achieve. Set clear expectations for how the software will be used and the consequences for breaking the rules.  

Respect their privacy: Avoid using parental monitoring software as a way to spy on your kids or invade their privacy. Instead, use it as a tool for open communication and transparency.  

Combine with other strategies: Parental monitoring software is just one tool in your parenting toolbox. Combine it with other strategies, such as setting boundaries and teaching digital citizenship, to help your kids develop healthy habits around technology.  

Stay informed and keep up to date.  

Easier said than done when your children understand far more about technology than you do, and new trends seem to come and go in the beat of a heart.  

Ask your children.  

One tip we took was to ask our children to explain it to us, which they were surprisingly eager to do. Be interested in their life online and we found they were happy to share.   Which was a far easier way in than checking their phones.  

Parenting in the age of social media and technology can be very challenging and concerning but also very hidden. The desperately sad case of Molly Russell shows us the harm and darkness that can await our children on line, far from our view and control.

This can be terrifying but its important to remember the positives technology and social media bring.

Each parent must make their own decision on what's right for them and their children. It's an opportunity to embrace technology while maintaining and prioritising our children’s well-being and real-life connections.  

By setting boundaries, teaching digital citizenship, and encouraging real-life experiences, we can help develop healthy habits around technology and foster their overall well-being.  

The key we think is to find a balance between screen time and real-life interactions. Technology is not disappearing and will become relevant to our lives. Make sure you do things together, interact and communicate. Take an interest in their interests and if you have any concerns discuss them and if appropriate involve your children.  Make sure you keep your relationship with your children.

CosyChats is a resource of experienced parents who have and are going through exactly the same problems and concerns you are.   You are not alone; don’t ever feel you are.