How to be the perfect parents
Being the perfect parent. We all want to do the best for our children. To be the parents whose children don’t have tantrums, go to bed on time and whose lives are organised and stress free. Really? That exists? I wish we’d have known!
Being the perfect parent. We all want to do the best for our children. To be the parents whose children don’t have tantrums, go to bed on time and whose lives are organised and stress free. Really? That exists? I wish we’d have known!
Are you a good parent?
That’s the question millions of parents regularly ask themselves. Bring themselves down with mischievous mind thoughts. Remembering that smiling happy content family. That film where everything was so wonderful, everyone was happy, and the family saved humanity with their dog, while smiling and high fiving a lot.
Ok we maybe exaggerating a little, but you get the idea, it's too easy to compare yourselves, whether it’s that picture-perfect film or that happy family you saw. Your mind sometimes works against you and for some parents that can be a near constant worry that they’re not doing a good job of bringing up their children or that nagging thought that won’t go away, Am I a good parent?
Part of you becoming a better parent is ridding yourself of the misplaced guilt associated with chasing the unachievable goal of perfect parenthood.
Let’s get a reality check. Most parents I know have very busy lives anyway without the chaos and commitment that children bring. Throw in working or an elderly relative and there simply aren’t enough hours in the day.
It's far too easy to beat ourselves up as parents
To concentrate on the imperfections in our lives and what we aren’t doing or giving our children. Why are we so harsh on ourselves at times? Why don’t we celebrate our achievements and congratulate ourselves more often? We should. Take time to do this, celebrate being you and all your success.
So, what's important and what should we be doing?
- Be Emotionally Predictable
Let me explain, in our experience most children love and thrive around emotional predictability. Do your children know how you’ll react when they make a mistake or have done something good or well? or are the unsure how you’ll react, you may explode into anger or ignore them for the same behaviour. Knowing how you’ll react is one less thing for children to worry about.
Behaviour may be bad, but children aren’t. It's very important you keep communication channels open. Being emotionally predictable helps. Think, someone asks your child what are you like? Do you get angry, ‘Dunno, it changes, can’t tell’ or ‘yes when I do something I shouldn’t, but we talk it through, and we both feel better’
Be Emotionally Predictable.
- Be clear on what you expect from your children and encourage them to achieve this.
Your children need to know that you notice and care about their behaviour. You care about them enough to address poor behaviour, poor life decisions. You won’t give up on your child.
A documentary always sticks in my mind. Quite an old one. It was about anti-social behaviour and was filming underage children smoking and drinking. The presenter was questioning the children why they were smoking and drinking and what would their parents think? ‘They don’t care’ ‘they're not bothered’ ‘why can’t we smoke?’
The children (and they were sadly still children) didn’t have their parents expectations engrained into them and so didn’t feel what they were doing was wrong.
Be clear on what you expect from your children and encourage them to achieve this.
- Creating your safe haven and giving unconditional love.
Your children need to have, a place they feel safe and know whatever happens you will love them. This is unconditional love that whatever they do you will always be there for them. If you do nothing else, do this.
The safe haven Is a place they can retreat to when the world becomes too much, their too stressed or tired from their lives and adventure's.
Cosychats is built upon the idea of sharing experience and learning from others. This includes understanding and learning from other people's mistakes. So we don’t repeat them but every parent knows, its a hard job.
Every parent is perfect in their own way. You can be the perfect parents for your children. This doesn't mean you are perfect but in the eyes of your children you can be. We don’t always get it right but celebrate your successes, discuss and learn from what you could have done differently. Accept were all human, different and imperfect. Remember you can be the perfect parents for your children.
One step on your journey to your self improvement is learning why you should never hit your children.