Imperfect Parenting: Letting Go of Pressure and Finding What Works
Posted on April 21, 2026🌿 Letting Go of Getting Parenting “Right” Gemma, mum of 2
💬 Introduction
Gemma shares her experience of letting go of the pressure to get parenting “right” and finding what works for her family.
🧠 Feeling Like There’s a “Right Way” to Parent
For a long time, I felt like there was a right way to do things.
The right routines.
The right responses.
The right way to handle everything.
And when things didn’t go to plan — which was often — I’d question whether I was getting it wrong.
Why did I do this? External pressures? Social media expectations or just a pre-children expectation of parenting that wasn't realistic. I'm not sure there was one thing specifically probably a combination of different things that led me a believe there was a right way.
Its funny how i can still remember the health worker visit and school meeting where they made me doubt myself. These moments stick in your mind. They sowed a seed of doubt that stuck in my mind. Only now years later i can look back with confidence and think that doubt was unfounded. I should have trusted my instincts but no none of us are perfect. Not even health workers or teachers.
🌿 When Things Don’t Go to Plan
In reality, most days don’t follow a plan.
Some mornings feel calm, others feel rushed.
Some routines work for a while, then suddenly don’t.
I’ve found that parenting isn’t consistent — even within the same week.
When things don’t go to plan — which they often don’t — it’s easy to question whether you’re doing it properly. This creates a space where you can feel self failure and be harsh on yourself. This feels an unfair and cruel space to fall into.
I think parents don't intentionally put themselves here but I know from experience its an easy place to fall into and a difficult one to get out of.
🏡 What Parenting Actually Looks Like for Us
What our family life looks like most of the time is pretty simple:
- working out what helps on a busy morning
- adjusting routines as things change
- figuring things out as we go
It doesn’t look like the “ideal” version you sometimes see — but it works for us.
These moments don’t usually look like the versions we see online — but they’re the ones most parents relate to. For me one of the greatest thing i learned to accept is that my family is unique and so our life is different. Our experiences and needs are different. Children, like parents are easy to compare but its never an even race.If your life works that's the most important thing. It may not work for someone else but that doesn't matter, it works for you is what matters.
One of the great things i learn't was the 'oh ok' smile. You keep your your house spotless and your children help out, 'oh ok' smile, good for you. I'm glad for you. My house looks like a charity shop back room and my children fain illness at the mention of tidying up but good for you anyway. Having a tidy house isn't a priority for us, and whats the bl__dy point when its get messed up right after any cleaning !!!
The 'oh ok' smile. Acknowledge and move on. Back to your messy but lived in house. I don't want my children to live in a hospital.
⚖️ Letting Go of Comparison
It’s easy to compare how things look in other families.
Especially online.
But over time, I’ve realised that what works in one house doesn’t always work in another.
Letting go of that comparison has made things feel a lot simpler.
I think we lost this 'reality' along the way and when I look back and think why, it doesn't really make sense, the word perfection and, children, families and life doesn't fit, does it? Certainly not in my family.
I see some parents like to portray perfection but really do we believe them? Can their lives really be that perfect. Great for them if they are but its like every perfect relationship until one side runs off with the baby sitter / tennis coach.
Whats the point of comparison? Make yourself feel worse or superior. Who's more content, the family in a large house that want an even better one, or the family in small house who are happy. I'll take happiness, every time. I've stopped chasing bigger houses as there like boats, someones always got a bigger one than you.
🤝 Talking to Someone Who’s Been There
One thing that’s made a difference to me is talking to other parents.
Not for advice — just to hear how things have been for them.
Those conversations feel easier when they don't have the veneer of perfection or fake reality. Just them as parents winging it like the rest of us.
You don’t have to explain everything.
You don’t have to get the words right.
It just feels understood and this feels good.
💬 Parenting Without the Pressure
I don’t think I’ve “figured it out” — I don’t think most parents have.
But letting go of the idea of getting everything right has made things feel more manageable.
It’s less about doing everything perfectly, and more about finding what works for us as a family.
This feels really important to us and something we teach our children. Social media and reality TV isn't real world, its entertainment. Escapism that allows you to view another world where things are different even though its presented as real life.
One of the greatest reality shows I think was the Osbournes as it showed that even famous people can have chaotic and loving lives. That was a family full of chaos but also real love and affection for each other.
I loved how they stuck two fingers up to the world and got on with it. The Osbournes may not be the best example of family life but they lived their lives, their way. things went wrong, frequently but they got on with it and somehow made their way through. I think well need a bit of the Osbournes in our family, but not too much 😆.
This blog was written by Gemma a parent of two from Essex. Gemma isn't a parent on CosyChats as she doesn't have time but she is very supportive of parents talking and sharing experiences.
This is part of a series of blogs each Tuesday. If you would like to contribute your thoughts please contact us at contact@cosychats.com and we'd love to publish your story.
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