It Takes a Village to Raise a Child – but who supports you?

Getting parent support is something every parent should do as reaching out is moving forward. Parent support is a necessity not a luxury. During your parenting journey it’s very likely you will hear this great advice.

“It takes a village to raise a child.”

Being a parent can be the most rewarding thing you ever do, but it is also at times also one of the hardest. Getting help is rarely a luxury, and it’s a vital way to bring your best self to the task. But there is something amiss about the role of being a parent, when our children need help we move heaven and earth to look after them, but when do we look after ourselves? 

When do we get the parental support we need?



    From their first steps when our children stumble, we pick them up. When they are sick we nurse them and if they are lost we find them - tirelessly.

Read Great Blog: Balancing Work & Family Successfully 

If homework gets tough, we help or find someone that knows how. We find them the best schools, give them the best possible Christmas, cook the healthy foods and count down their screen time. But here is the paradox:

Who cares for us as parents? Why are we so scared of being honest when it's hard?

Why do we only reach out in a crisis?

Everything I know about being a parent I learned while doing it.

As parents we can be scared to admit that we didn’t really know what we were doing, and that sometimes we felt just a bit lost. I think every parent feels like this.

Sometimes we just get caught up in being a mum or dad to step back and think I need support myself. I need parental support.

We concentrate so much on our children and forgo ourselves but parental support benefits us and our children.

Loving Our Kids, Hating the Silence: The Stigma of Honest Parenting

Early on in my parenting journey I can still recall some of the moments that were more challenging than others. A lot of this was the normal process of adapting to becoming responsible full-time for a young life. Ironically, even while writing this blog, I am apprehensive to feel like it sounds like I am just selfishly complaining rather than sharing the parenting pitfalls, when the goal here is honesty. However I felt about it, whatever people label it, the challenges that come with being a parent are so very real.
The change in your identity, the responsibility and day-to-day to life are never the same again.

Read Great Blog: The Loneliness of Being a Parent No One Tells You About

It started with the early mornings and never ending nappies. It became all the changes between you as new parents and the changes in your identity when you become known as someone’s mum or dad rather than by your first name.
Why then do we feel uniquely as parents we should just be “getting on with it”, when in most other areas in life we know to reach out and ask for help or guidance?

 

How we got here: The stigma against sharing

The reasons behind the stigma of sharing are varied and complicated but they stop us getting the parental support we all need.

Here are some of the reasons that prevent us getting support as parents. You may recognise others:

 

The parenthood pedestal.

In society being a parent is sometimes seen as the ultimate pinnacle of love, purpose and fulfillment. Maybe even more so when you have the accompanying house, job and lifestyle. To complain about your problems with parenthood to some people just seems ungrateful.

The bad parent.

As a parent there can be a huge concern that if you share your struggles with other people they could either see you as a bad parent or that you are ungrateful and just not trying hard enough. The closer your relationship with the person you wanted to share with is to you, such as a near relative, the more you may fear this judgement or even just being misunderstood. Read Great Blog: Why Are Parents So Hard On Themselves?  You may also fear your loss of privacy, as when the genie is out of the bottle - you can’t take back what was just your cry for help.

The other parents on our socials.

It’s a part of modern life now, the constant comparisons we make with other people's lives on shared social media. We see their family’s perfect healthy lunches, smiling children and constant perfect trips out and feel inadequate. How can we complain when they make it all look so easy? Maybe we just need to try harder. Of course we don’t see the moments they don’t post, we just see the curated highlights.

Parent gender expectation.

As a mother you might feel you are expected to be constantly emotionally available, self sacrificing and nurturing. As a father you may expect to ‘man up’ or to just help out more. These set roles are another layer preventing people from reaching out or venting how they feel.

Parenthood generations.

The sort of people we might naturally want to reach out to are quite likely to be our older family members. However culturally they may be more of the generation that expects parents to just ‘get on with it’. Sharing with them may make you feel invalidated, shameful and again - you have lost your privacy.

Parents with nobody to hear.

With some generations dispersed far from family to pursue careers, moving away from their friends and not having much spare time - it may just simply be that you have limited opportunities to open up and share how you feel about the ups and downs of parenting.

Read Great Blog: Getting Support From Schools 

Conclusions

In short, there's a stigma because parenting is mythologised, not humanised. Society expects perfection and gratitude instead of recognizing parenting as a complex, exhausting, beautiful, and sometimes difficult human experience.
  As humans we sometimes need to vent to relieve some of these pressures, we need honest advice for when we speak from the heart how we truly are. For when we say the quiet parts out loud - and not just what we are expected to feel. Our best selves as parents and otherwise is when we aren't bottling up how we feel, receive validation and when we get real advice - without judgement.

This is where CosyChats comes in. We are a safe space to listen, not judge.
Where you are now we have been ourselves and we never expect you to pretend.
The advice we give comes from lived experiences and we give you the license to be your authentic self.

Testimony

We have two adopted children and there is always something going on. Within both our families we were the only ones to adopt so there isn't the knowledge or experience. Our families are very supportive but they cannot help us with the large amounts of emotional baggage and issues adopted children can bring. We feel guilty for burdening our families knowing they struggle to understand and help because of their lack of experience.

We need the help and support of people who have adopted or been involved in the adoption process. Sure we have friends and even (new) friends who have adopted but again we don't want to burden them as invariably they have their own problems and lives. This is why we think CosyChats is so useful. It allows us to seek the parent support that works for us. To book sessions when we need them and build a support network we can draw upon.

Sure there is a charge but its not a great deal and for us we see real value in getting the support we need, when we need it without any ties or obligation. We're based in the north of England and do have family around us but even with this being a parent of adopted children can feel lonely. We don't share family details to respect our children's right to privacy.

CosyChats.com hosts experienced parent who can provide Personalised Parent Support including supporting other parents by sharing their experience and knowledge.

CosyChats supports personalised parent support. CosyChats offers a parenting safe space free from judgement and shame where no question is too small and not issue to big.

Why Parents Should use the CosyChats parent support service?

🛟1-2-1 Personalised Parent Support Sessions
🧷Safe Parent Support Spaces Free From Judgement and Shame
👍🏼Where No Parenting Problem Is Too Big and No Parenting Question Too Small
👩‍👦Parents Supporting Parents Offering Compassion and Understanding
🆘Practical Parenting Support Created by UK Parents
🧑🏼‍🦱Parent Mentoring from Parents with Real Lived Parenting Knowledge & Experience
💻Online Parenting Support from the comfort of your own home.

Top 10 Benefits of the CosyChats parent support service.

👍🏼Access to a wealth of Parenting Experience and Knowledge.
👍🏼A Personal Parenting Mentor for you
👍🏼Parent support via phone, Text or On-Line.
👍🏼Parent Support Groups for key development stages
👍🏼Flexible parenting support sessions.
👍🏼Online parenting support at a reasonable cost.
👍🏼Parent support sessions can be gifted to a parent who needs parental support.
👍🏼Parent to parent support group harness wide parenting experience.
👍🏼Parenting support services are booked in 10 minute slots.
👍🏼Parenting support from real parents who want to help.

Thank you for reading the blog  (It Takes a Village to Raise a Child - but who supports you?).