Tag Archives: shared parenting experience

Why Parenting Feels So Pressured Today (And How Parents Are Letting Go)

Why Parenting Feels So Pressured Today (And How Parents Are Letting Go)

Blog, Kids, New Parents, , , , , , , , ,

Why Parenting Can Feel So Pressured Today
James, dad of 1


💬 Introduction

James shares his experience of how parenting can feel shaped by expectations — and how that’s changed over time.


🧠 Feeling Like There’s Always a Way to Do Things

When we first became parents, it felt like there was a way everything should be done.


🌿Sleep routines.

🌿Feeding.

🌿Daily structure.


There was always something to follow, adjust, or improve.


This was our first child and a HUGE learning curve.  We expected it to be hard but were naive as to how big a change it is.  We read books and watched countless videos but most of that seemed to disappear once the baby came.  I wanted to do my fair share but being honest felt a bit lost in everything. I probably wasn’t the help i wanted to be.


You seek inspiration but here can come the problem.


📱 Seeing How Everyone Else Does It

It’s hard not to notice how other families do things — especially online.


🌿You see routines that seem to work perfectly.

🌿Days that look organised and calm.


And it makes you wonder if you should be doing things differently.


Videos seemed to make sense, get into a routine but some routines didn’t work for us.  I was still working so i’d come back and my partner would be looking at me for help while i was looking at the sofa  to relax.  The last thing we needed was to be arguing but a baby can bring that.  It certainly tested our relationship more than i thought it would.


I’m not sure you see this so much online, the pressure of a baby.  Maybe its there but i just never searched it


⚖️ When Things Don’t Match the Plan

In reality, what works one week doesn’t always work the next.


🌿We’ve had routines that felt right — until they didn’t.

🌿Moments where things felt settled — then suddenly changed again.


That’s been more normal than anything else.


Getting used to a normality of nothing’s normal takes a bit of getting used to but our baby didn’t bring normality.   One night it was relatively plain sailing, bath story relax to bed.  the next overt tired and grumpy and that was just us!!


A plan is a plan until it changes.


🌿 Letting Things Be More Flexible

Over time, things have become less about following something exactly, and more about:


🌿adjusting as we go

🌿working out what fits our routine

🌿accepting that things change

🌿That’s taken some of the pressure away.


Its more about making it work for all of us, well the baby mainly. Than having  a fixed routine.  If our baby was getting over tired we’d try to get her off as soon as we could.  If she was hungry we’d feed her.  People may disagree but it worked for us.


Yes we learn’t too much sleep during the day means shes more likely to be awake at night but you learn and adapt. Lets not stick rigidly to the routine. Lets be prepared for change.


🤝 Talking to Other Parents

Something that helped was hearing how things actually are for other parents.


Not the polished version — just normal conversations.


You realise quite quickly that everyone is figuring things out in their own way.


I’d say this was easier for my wife. In my experience dads tend to have a different outlook.  Mum’s can talk children / babies for hours.  Dads seem to have a limit of a few minutes then its back to more traditional / safer topics. 

Talking to other parents really helps though.  I think you can learn through experience and when other new parents say they’re not sure what day it is you understand what they mean and that they really do mean that. Its like that Christmas / New Year gap feeling, especially at the start when your both probably off.


💬 A Different Way of Looking at It

Now, it feels less about doing things “right” and more about what works for us.


🌿Some days feel smooth.

🌿Some don’t.


But that seems to be part of it.


I think the biggest thing was accepting you don’t get everything right and not shooting each other down because of it.  Its difficult because anyone who’s come back to an over tired baby knows its a nightmare but making mistakes was part of it. 

Routines are great as they give you structure but then deciding on breaking the routine can be challenging, especially on your own explaining to your partner when she gets home, but we got better at it.  For every disrupted day we started having more smoother days. For all of us.


🌿 Final Thought

Parenting doesn’t follow a fixed path.


It changes — and most of the time, it’s about adjusting as you go.


Find what works for you.  That won’t happen overnight and when you find it, it will probably change anyway.  You learn to adapt and put the needs of others above yourself but over time you’ll get there.  There’s enough pressure on you already.  Don’t put any more on yourselves.    Be kind to yourself and those around you.  Its no ones fault.  Having  children is hard.


🟰 Sometimes It Helps to Talk

Sometimes it’s just about talking to someone who’s been through something similar.


When i found out about CosyChats I loved the idea of simply having a conversation with another parent who’d been through the same thing as me.  When new parents say to me they don’t know what day it is i get it straight away.  I’ve been there.  I love this about CosyChats. Sharing experience and understanding.


👉 Talk to a parent who gets it

If you have a story you want to share with CosyChats we’d love to hear from you contact@cosychats.com

Imperfect Parenting: Letting Go of Pressure and Finding What Works

Imperfect Parenting: Letting Go of Pressure and Finding What Works

Blog, Kids, New Parents, School, Teenagers, Your Wellbeing, , , , , , , , ,

🌿 Letting Go of Getting Parenting “Right”

Gemma, mum of 2

💬 Introduction 

Gemma shares her experience of letting go of the pressure to get parenting “right” and finding what works for her family.




 

🧠 Feeling Like There’s a “Right Way” to Parent

For a long time, I felt like there was a right way to do things.

The right routines.
The right responses.
The right way to handle everything.

And when things didn’t go to plan — which was often — I’d question whether I was getting it wrong.

Why did I do this?  External pressures? Social media expectations or just a pre-children expectation of parenting that wasn’t realistic. I’m not sure there was one thing specifically probably a combination of different things  that led me a believe there was a right way.


Its funny how i can still remember the health worker visit and school meeting where they made me doubt myself.  These moments stick in your mind. They sowed a seed of doubt that stuck in my mind. Only now years later i can look back with confidence and think that doubt was unfounded. I should have trusted my instincts but no none of us are perfect.  Not even health workers or teachers.



🌿 When Things Don’t Go to Plan

In reality, most days don’t follow a plan.

Some mornings feel calm, others feel rushed.
Some routines work for a while, then suddenly don’t.

I’ve found that parenting isn’t consistent — even within the same week.

When things don’t go to plan — which they often don’t — it’s easy to question whether you’re doing it properly.  This creates a space where you can feel self failure and be harsh on yourself. This feels an unfair and cruel space to fall into.

I think parents don’t intentionally put themselves here but I know from experience its an easy place to fall into and a difficult one to get out of.



🏡 What Parenting Actually Looks Like for Us

What our family life looks like most of the time is pretty simple:

  • working out what helps on a busy morning
  • adjusting routines as things change
  • figuring things out as we go

It doesn’t look like the “ideal” version you sometimes see — but it works for us.

These moments don’t usually look like the versions we see online — but they’re the ones most parents relate to.  For me one of the greatest thing i learned to accept is that my family is unique and so our life is different. Our experiences and needs are different. Children, like parents are easy to compare but its never an even race.

If your life works that’s the most important thing.   It may not work for someone else but that doesn’t matter, it works for you is what matters.

One of the great things i learn’t was the ‘oh ok’ smile.  You keep your your house spotless and your children help out, ‘oh ok’ smile, good for you.  I’m glad for you.  My house looks like a charity shop back room and my children fain illness at the mention of tidying up but good for you anyway.  Having a tidy house isn’t a priority for us, and whats the bl__dy point when its get messed up right after any cleaning !!!

The ‘oh ok’ smile.  Acknowledge and move on.  Back to your messy but lived in house.  I don’t want my children to live in a hospital.

⚖️ Letting Go of Comparison

It’s easy to compare how things look in other families.

Especially online.

But over time, I’ve realised that what works in one house doesn’t always work in another.

Letting go of that comparison has made things feel a lot simpler.

I think we lost this ‘reality’ along the way and when I look back and think why, it doesn’t really make sense, the word perfection and, children, families and life doesn’t fit, does it? Certainly not in my family.

I see some parents like to portray perfection but really do we believe them?  Can their lives really be that perfect.  Great for them if they are but its like every perfect relationship until one side runs off with the baby sitter / tennis coach.

Whats the point of comparison?  Make yourself feel worse or superior.  Who’s more content, the family in a large house that want an even better one, or the family in small house who are happy.   I’ll take happiness, every time. I’ve stopped chasing bigger houses as there like boats, someones always got a bigger one than you.



🤝 Talking to Someone Who’s Been There

One thing that’s made a difference to me is talking to other parents.

Not for advice — just to hear how things have been for them.

Those conversations feel easier when they don’t have the veneer of perfection or fake reality. Just them as parents winging it like the rest of us.

You don’t have to explain everything.
You don’t have to get the words right.

It just feels understood and this feels good.



💬 Parenting Without the Pressure

I don’t think I’ve “figured it out” — I don’t think most parents have.


But letting go of the idea of getting everything right has made things feel more manageable.


It’s less about doing everything perfectly, and more about finding what works for us as a family.



This feels really important to us and something we teach our children.  Social media and reality TV isn’t real world, its entertainment. Escapism that allows you to view another world where things are different even though its presented as real life.

One of the greatest reality shows I think was the Osbournes as it showed that even famous people can have chaotic and loving lives.  That was a family full of chaos but also real love and affection for each other.

I loved how they stuck two fingers up to the world and got on with it. The Osbournes may not be the best example of family life but they lived their lives, their way.  things went wrong, frequently but they got on with it and somehow made their way through.  I think well need a bit of the Osbournes in our family, but not too much 😆.

This blog was written by Gemma a parent of two from Essex.  Gemma isn’t a parent on CosyChats as she doesn’t have time but she is very supportive of parents talking and sharing experiences.

This is part of a series of blogs each Tuesday.  If you would like to contribute your thoughts please contact us at contact@cosychats.com and we’d love to publish your story.

👉 Talk to a parent who gets it