when a child pushes back Archives

I can’t remember which came first, Mate or Bruv or when mate became routine. Or when mum and dad went out the window.

FORCING Your Child to Follow YOUR Dreams Not Theirs?

I can remember thinking don’t be that parent that picks them up on everything. Let it go and they’ll get bored of it. We’ll like most parenting decisions that didn’t work as exactly planned.

This question i asked myself is it such a bad thing if they do call me mate?

For some parents, hearing this familiar term of endearment directed at them feels perfectly natural. For others, it sparks an immediate concern: Am I losing my authority? Are they being disrespectful? i think i was in the latter camp. For transparency being called bruv or mate was something that didn’t work for me but my children are getting older.

It Takes a Village to Raise a Child – but who supports you? – Cosychats

Is ‘mate’ just casual language and not disrespectful?

Is the term mate just an example of a friendly, and informal family dynamic. More a sign of a strong bond, not a worrying trend. Where my children growing up and just adapting their language to suit a more level relationship? Were they just expressing themselves in language they were more familiar with?

I prefer to be called dad.

My Child Has Started Vaping What Should I Do?

I’ll be honest If they’d have asked me (which they didn’t) I’d have said i preferred dad to mate and bruv. It may be traditional and possibly more formal but it’s what i am. I am their dad, not their mate or bruv. Although when i thought about it i wanted to be more than their dad. I did want a strong and open bond between us. I want them to be able to talk to me about anything. If something is going on in their lives i want them to ask me and not some chat bot or AI. If the price of them being more open was being called mate or bruv every so often then i could cope with it.

This was reinforced by a research

‘When a child calls you “mate,” it often symbolizes this kind of dynamic. It implies:

Closeness: They feel comfortable enough to use informal language.

Trust: They see you as someone they can confide in, not just an authority figure.

Affection: The term, in its common use, is affectionate and warm.

The word can be a sweet indicator that your efforts to build a strong, friendly bond are working.’

I don’t agree 100% with this. I think the words mate and bruv have developed and spread. Is there a distinction between my children calling friends mate and bruv and them calling me the same. It doesn’t feel like it. It feels disrespectful but may be its not as disrespectful as i originally thought.

Whats more important the word or the tone and context.

Like everything parenting the answer isn’t straight forward. I think the intent behind the word is far more important than the word itself.

‘Hey mate, can we play a game?’—doesn’t feel disrespectful. The tone is casual and friendly.

However, any word can be used disrespectfully if delivered with the right attitude. If children rolls their eyes, slams their bedroom door, and yells, “Leave me alone, mate!”, the issue isn’t the word “mate.” The issue is the disrespectful tone, the boundary-testing behavior, and the underlying anger.

In this scenario, you would address the disrespectful behavior and tone, not the specific vocabulary used. The conversation would be about communication boundaries in your house, not about the appropriateness of the word “mate.”

Replace dad with mate in the above scenario and i think the outcome is the same. So context and delivery does matter.

Setting Boundaries

Boundaries are their to be tested and sometimes boundaries no longer apply. As your children grow they they can do many more things and you adjust your behaviour and expectation accordingly. Your relationship adapts but i think if you personally feel uncomfortable being called “mate,” or ‘bruv’ finding it too informal or feeling it undermines your parental role, you are completely within your rights to ask your child to stop.

Keeping calm and communicating clearly.

The key is to communicate this clearly and calmly, without making them feel that their affection was misplaced.

You might say:

“I know you mean it in a friendly way, and I love that we have a close relationship. But I prefer to be called ‘Mom’/’Dad’. Can you try to remember that?”

For younger children, gentle correction is key: “I’m not your mate, I’m your Daddy.”

If you’re okay with it most of the time but want formal titles in public or around grandparents, you can set those situational boundaries. The most important thing is consistency in your expectations.

My boundaries

I’m their dad. Thats my title and its pretty unique i think. I want the recognoition and respect i think dad brings. In my life as a parent so much is eroded and disappears but i’m still their dad and while it can be argued that its just a word and being their dad dosn’t change just because theycall me mate, for me it makes a diofference and i asked them to call me dad.

The Cultural Context: More Than Just a Slang Term

The interpretation of the word “mate” is deeply rooted in geography. What is considered informal in one country is the norm in another.

In the United States, for example, addressing a parent with anything other than “Mom” or “Dad” (or a formal variation like “Mother” or “Father”) might be seen as cheeky or impertinent. The parent-child dynamic in many American households often emphasizes a more defined hierarchical structure.

In contrast, within the UK, Australia, and New Zealand, “mate” is a staple of everyday language. It’s a versatile word used between friends, colleagues, and even strangers as a polite, friendly address. It is a term of endearment, fellowship, and equality.

In these cultures, it’s incredibly common for parents to refer to their children as “mate” from a very young age: “Come on, mate, time for your bath.” When a child then reciprocates this term, they are simply mimicking the language of affection and familiarity they hear every day. They are not trying to demote you from ‘parent’ to ‘peer’; they are just using the vocabulary of your shared household.

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Thank you for reading this blog ‘Are my children being disrespectful?’

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Should You Be Concerned If Your Child Calls You Mate or Bruv?