Tag Archives: parenting resources

Should You Be Concerned If Your Child Calls You Mate or Bruv?

I can’t remember which came first, Mate or Bruv or when mate became routine. Or when mum and dad went out the window.

FORCING Your Child to Follow YOUR Dreams Not Theirs?

I can remember thinking don’t be that parent that picks them up on everything. Let it go and they’ll get bored of it. We’ll like most parenting decisions that didn’t work as exactly planned.

A parent learning how to create a strong bond with their child

 

This question i asked myself is it such a bad thing if they do call me mate?

For some parents, hearing this familiar term of endearment directed at them feels perfectly natural. For others, it sparks an immediate concern: Am I losing my authority? Are they being disrespectful? i think i was in the latter camp.  For transparency being called bruv or mate was something that didn’t work for me but my children are getting older.

It Takes a Village to Raise a Child – but who supports you? – Cosychats

Is ‘mate’ just casual language and not disrespectful?

Is the term mate just an example of a friendly, and informal family dynamic. More a sign of a strong bond, not a worrying trend. Where my children growing up and just adapting their language to suit a more level relationship?  Were they just expressing themselves in language they were more familiar with?

I prefer to be called dad.

My Child Has Started Vaping What Should I Do?

I’ll be honest If they’d have asked me (which they didn’t) I’d have said i preferred dad to mate and bruv.  It may be traditional and possibly more formal but it’s what i am.  I am their dad, not their mate or bruv. Although when i thought about it i wanted to be more than their dad.  I did want a strong and open bond between us.  I want them to be able to talk to me about anything.  If something is going on in their lives i want them to ask me and not some chat bot or AI. If the price of them being more open was being called mate or bruv every so often then i could cope with it.

Parents helping parents

 

This was reinforced by a research

‘When a child calls you “mate,” it often symbolizes this kind of dynamic. It implies:

  • Closeness: They feel comfortable enough to use informal language.

  • Trust: They see you as someone they can confide in, not just an authority figure.

  • Affection: The term, in its common use, is affectionate and warm.

The word can be a sweet indicator that your efforts to build a strong, friendly bond are working.’



I don’t agree 100% with this.  I think the words mate and bruv have developed and spread. Is there a distinction between my children calling friends mate and bruv and them calling me the same.  It doesn’t feel like it. It feels disrespectful but may be its not as disrespectful as i originally thought.



Whats more important the word or the tone and context.
Like everything parenting the answer isn’t straight forward. I think  the intent behind the word is far more important than the word itself.
‘Hey mate, can we play a game?’—doesn’t feel disrespectful.  The tone is casual and friendly.



However, any word can be used disrespectfully if delivered with the right attitude. If children rolls their eyes, slams their bedroom door, and yells, “Leave me alone, mate!”, the issue isn’t the word “mate.” The issue is the disrespectful tone, the boundary-testing behavior, and the underlying anger.



In this scenario, you would address the disrespectful behavior and tone, not the specific vocabulary used. The conversation would be about communication boundaries in your house, not about the appropriateness of the word “mate.”



Replace dad with mate in the above scenario and i think the outcome is the same.  So context and delivery does matter.



 

Setting Boundaries

Boundaries are their to be tested and sometimes boundaries no longer apply.  As your children grow they they can do many more things and you adjust your behaviour and expectation accordingly.  Your relationship adapts but i think if you personally feel uncomfortable being called “mate,”  or ‘bruv’ finding it too informal or feeling it undermines your parental role, you are completely within your rights to ask your child to stop.

Keeping calm and communicating clearly.
The key is to communicate this clearly and calmly, without making them feel that their affection was misplaced.
You might say:
“I know you mean it in a friendly way, and I love that we have a close relationship. But I prefer to be called ‘Mom’/’Dad’. Can you try to remember that?”
For younger children, gentle correction is key: “I’m not your mate, I’m your Daddy.”
If you’re okay with it most of the time but want formal titles in public or around grandparents, you can set those situational boundaries. The most important thing is consistency in your expectations.



My boundaries
I’m their dad.  Thats my title and its pretty unique i think.  I want the recognoition and respect i think dad brings.  In my life as a parent so much is eroded and disappears but i’m still their dad and while it can be argued that its just a word and being their dad dosn’t change just because theycall me mate, for me it makes a diofference and i asked them to call me dad.




 

The Cultural Context: More Than Just a Slang Term
The interpretation of the word “mate” is deeply rooted in geography. What is considered informal in one country is the norm in another.
In the United States, for example, addressing a parent with anything other than “Mom” or “Dad” (or a formal variation like “Mother” or “Father”) might be seen as cheeky or impertinent. The parent-child dynamic in many American households often emphasizes a more defined hierarchical structure.



In contrast, within the UK, Australia, and New Zealand, “mate” is a staple of everyday language. It’s a versatile word used between friends, colleagues, and even strangers as a polite, friendly address. It is a term of endearment, fellowship, and equality.
In these cultures, it’s incredibly common for parents to refer to their children as “mate” from a very young age: “Come on, mate, time for your bath.” When a child then reciprocates this term, they are simply mimicking the language of affection and familiarity they hear every day. They are not trying to demote you from ‘parent’ to ‘peer’; they are just using the vocabulary of your shared household.

 

CosyChats is a personalised parent support Service that can provide support to parents across a wide range of parenting issues including how to bring up happy and well round children. how to allow children to follow their dreams and be happy.
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Thank you for reading this blog ‘Are my children being disrespectful?’

who is giving you parent support

It Takes a Village to Raise a Child – but who supports you?

Getting parent support is something every parent should do as reaching out is moving forward. Parent support is a necessity not a luxury.

During your parenting journey it’s very likely you will hear this great advice.

“It takes a village to raise a child.”

Being a parent can be the most rewarding thing you ever do, but it is also at times also one of the hardest. Getting help is rarely a luxury, and it’s a vital way to bring your best self to the task.

But there is something amiss about the role of being a parent, when our children need help we move heaven and earth to look after them, but when do we look after ourselves? 

When do we get the parental support we need?

Support for parents of teenagers

 

 

From their first steps when our children stumble, we pick them up. When they are sick we

nurse them and if they are lost we find them – tirelessly.

Read Great Blog: Balancing Work & Family Successfully 

If homework gets tough, we help or find someone that knows how. We find them the best schools, give them the best possible Christmas, cook the healthy foods and count down their screen time.

But here is the paradox:

Who cares for us as parents?
Why are we so scared of being honest when it’s hard?

Why do we only reach out in a crisis?

Everything I know about being a parent I learned while doing it.


As parents we can be scared to admit that we didn’t really know what we were doing, and that sometimes we felt just a bit lost. I think every parent feels like this.

Sometimes we just get caught up in being a mum or dad to step back and think I need support myself. I need parental support.

We concentrate so much on our children and forgo ourselves but parental support benefits us and our children.

Loving Our Kids, Hating the Silence: The Stigma of Honest Parenting

Early on in my parenting journey I can still recall some of the moments that were more challenging than others. A lot of this was the normal process of adapting to becoming responsible full-time for a young life.

Ironically, even while writing this blog, I am apprehensive to feel like it sounds like I am just selfishly complaining rather than sharing the parenting pitfalls, when the goal here is honesty.

However I felt about it, whatever people label it, the challenges that come with being a parent are so very real.
The change in your identity, the responsibility and day-to-day to life are never the same again.

Read Great Blog: The Loneliness of Being a Parent No One Tells You About

It started with the early mornings and never ending nappies. It became all the changes between you as new parents and the changes in your identity when you become known as someone’s mum or dad rather than by your first name.

Why then do we feel uniquely as parents we should just be “getting on with it”, when in most other areas in life we know to reach out and ask for help or guidance?

 

How we got here:
The stigma against sharing

The reasons behind the stigma of sharing are varied and complicated but they stop us getting the parental support we all need.

Here are some of the reasons that prevent us getting support as parents. You may recognise others:

help for parents

 

The parenthood pedestal.

In society being a parent is sometimes seen as the ultimate pinnacle of love, purpose and fulfillment. Maybe even more so when you have the accompanying house, job and lifestyle.
To complain about your problems with parenthood to some people just seems ungrateful.

The bad parent.

As a parent there can be a huge concern that if you share your struggles with other people they could either see you as a bad parent or that you are ungrateful and just not trying hard enough. The closer your relationship with the person you wanted to share with is to you, such as a near relative, the more you may fear this judgement or even just being misunderstood.

Read Great Blog: Why Are Parents So Hard On Themselves? 

You may also fear your loss of privacy, as when the genie is out of the bottle – you can’t take back what was just your cry for help.

The other parents on our socials.

It’s a part of modern life now, the constant comparisons we make with other people’s lives on shared social media. We see their family’s perfect healthy lunches, smiling children and constant perfect trips out and feel inadequate. How can we complain when they make it all look so easy? Maybe we just need to try harder.

Of course we don’t see the moments they don’t post, we just see the curated highlights.

Parent gender expectation.

As a mother you might feel you are expected to be constantly emotionally available, self sacrificing and nurturing. As a father you may expect to ‘man up’ or to just help out more.

These set roles are another layer preventing people from reaching out or venting how they feel.

Parenthood generations.

The sort of people we might naturally want to reach out to are quite likely to be our older family members. However culturally they may be more of the generation that expects parents to just ‘get on with it’. Sharing with them may make you feel invalidated, shameful and again – you have lost your privacy.

Parents with nobody to hear.

With some generations dispersed far from family to pursue careers, moving away from their friends and not having much spare time – it may just simply be that you have limited opportunities to open up and share how you feel about the ups and downs of parenting.

Read Great Blog: Getting Support From Schools 

Conclusions

In short, there’s a stigma because parenting is mythologised, not humanised. Society expects perfection and gratitude instead of recognizing parenting as a complex, exhausting, beautiful, and sometimes difficult human experience.

 

As humans we sometimes need to vent to relieve some of these pressures, we need honest advice for when we speak from the heart how we truly are.
For when we say the quiet parts out loud – and not just what we are expected to feel.
Our best selves as parents and otherwise is when we aren’t bottling up how we feel, receive validation and when we get real advice – without judgement.

This is where CosyChats comes in. We are a safe space to listen, not judge.

Where you are now we have been ourselves and we never expect you to pretend.

The advice we give comes from lived experiences and we give you the license to be your authentic self.

Testimony

We have two adopted children and there is always something going on. Within both our families we were the only ones to adopt so there isn’t the knowledge or experience. Our families are very supportive but they cannot help us with the large amounts of emotional baggage and issues adopted children can bring. We feel guilty for burdening our families knowing they struggle to understand and help because of their lack of experience.

We need the help and support of people who have adopted or been involved in the adoption process. Sure we have friends and even (new) friends who have adopted but again we don’t want to burden them as invariably they have their own problems and lives. This is why we think CosyChats is so useful. It allows us to seek the parent support that works for us. To book sessions when we need them and build a support network we can draw upon.

Sure there is a charge but its not a great deal and for us we see real value in getting the support we need, when we need it without any ties or obligation. We’re based in the north of England and do have family around us but even with this being a parent of adopted children can feel lonely. We don’t share family details to respect our children’s right to privacy.

CosyChats.com hosts experienced parent who can provide Personalised Parent Support including supporting other parents by sharing their experience and knowledge.

CosyChats supports personalised parent support. CosyChats offers a parenting safe space free from judgement and shame where no question is too small and not issue to big.
Why Parents Should use the CosyChats parent support service?

🛟1-2-1 Personalised Parent Support Sessions

🧷Safe Parent Support Spaces Free From Judgement and Shame

👍🏼Where No Parenting Problem Is Too Big and No Parenting Question Too Small

👩‍👦Parents Supporting Parents Offering Compassion and Understanding

🆘Practical Parenting Support Created by UK Parents

🧑🏼‍🦱Parent Mentoring from Parents with Real Lived Parenting Knowledge & Experience

💻Online Parenting Support from the comfort of your own home.

Top 10 Benefits of the CosyChats parent support service.

👍🏼Access to a wealth of Parenting Experience and Knowledge.

👍🏼A Personal Parenting Mentor for you

👍🏼Parent support via phone, Text or On-Line.

👍🏼Parent Support Groups for key development stages

👍🏼Flexible parenting support sessions.

👍🏼Online parenting support at a reasonable cost.

👍🏼Parent support sessions can be gifted to a parent who needs parental support.

👍🏼Parent to parent support group harness wide parenting experience.

👍🏼Parenting support services are booked in 10 minute slots.

👍🏼Parenting support from real parents who want to help.

Thank you for reading the blog  (It Takes a Village to Raise a Child – but who supports you?).

 

How to Create a Strong Relationship With Your Children

Introduction:

Creating a strong relationship that will last for life with your kids. Every parent worries constantly about their children – usually before they are even born.

We worry about them being safe and how they will thrive in a changing and challenging world.

How to create a strong relationship with your child

 

Every parent wants the absolute best for their children and for them to mature into resilient, independent adults.

At CosyChats.com we support personalised parental support and parent mentoring. CosyChats.com offers a parenting safe space free from judgement and shame where no question is too small and not issue to big.

A powerful technique towards this is nurturing an open and sharing relationship with your child where they feel they can approach you to tell you anything – without feeling fear, guilt, or shame – only hearing your guidance.

Is a strong bond natural?

Parents often think they will always have a strong bond with their children and we hope you do but not all families have this. Relationships break down especially as children grow and become teenagers. Cosychats hosts a parenting community that can offer help and support to you and by sharing their experience on how they maintained a healthy, effective and loving relationship with their child. There is no shame or judgement as we know how easy strong bonds with your children can be tested. How isolating and distant teenagers can be.

As the milestones of my son growing up fast came and went by, I feel fortunate that he has come to me when he has needed help, advice or just to vent how he felt. I felt we had a strong relationship and that we could discuss most things openly. 

Help for parents

At first it would be just him telling me about his day at the end of school, but then it became about his friendships and what he wanted from his life.

When we moved house we talked about him being happier and preferring being somewhere rural and meeting new people.

And then, unfortunately there are the less happy things such as the peer pressure and judgement of the teenage years, the pitfalls of dating and when education pressures start to weigh heavy.

I feel very fortunate to have this safe space in my small family for him to share with us but I don’t think it was just by accident. 

My honest hope is that by using some  of the ideas and tools in this blog, anyone can build openness, trust and grow the confidence in their children to share their thoughts and feelings so important in future adulthood. Building a strong relationship was important for me, i wanted my son to trust me and be able to speak to me. 

 

Why being an Approachable and Open Parent helps build a Strong Relationship with  your Children 

If Work getting in the way of your family read our blog  What Happens When WORK Disrupts Time With Your Kids?

Do you remember times when you felt your feelings just didn’t matter?

That time at work in a meeting when your boss ignores your opinion completely?

The girlfriend that just tells you your opinion is wrong without even listening?.

Maybe as a child when you were upset and a parent just told you to not make such a fuss..

Now do you remember the times you felt that your feelings and opinion did matter?

When someone took the time not to just listen – but to understand your viewpoint.

How they tried to change things for you you felt something was unfair

When they didn’t just dismiss you and tell you to get on with it

If you remember the difference, you will understand why it’s important for a parent to have a an open sharing relationship with their child. 

If you have been treated like this you will have empathy for:

Feeling anger because your feelings didn’t matter.

Feeling shame for feeling this way to start with.

And insecurity because your feelings were rarely valued.

Knowing these things we should focus on the strong relationship we are building with our children.

It’s important to remember that in childhood we learn about the world, and how to process our emotions. The sort of relationships you form with other people.

When a child grows up without the security and comfort of having a safe space they can end up emotionally distant, insecure or  scared of commitment.

Without a sense of safety, risky behaviour is more likely, because they have never felt safe.

If they aren’t successful in approaching people and expressing themselves they can end up with lower confidence, making adult life harder – the opposite of what we really wanted for our children.

The Benefits of Being an Open Door Parent to build a Strong Relationship with your child 

A great way of imagining what an open parent child relationship looks like is an open door.

Your child should feel comfortable sharing anything with you but this requires trust, communication, and a supportive environment.

The door is a great analogy because it works on so many levels.

Being an open door means that you are mostly always available, but it also means that you don’t ever force or expect that conversation. You can show them that the door is open, but they have to choose if they want to share, and when. Celebrate their honesty, as the foundation to an open and trusting relationship.

It also means they are free to leave, they only have to say what they want to and can leave at will. There are ways, however of encouraging your child to share, and practical tips on how to have these conversations when they do

How to Build a Strong relationship with Your child.

How to really listen to your child – pitfalls parents fall into that create distrust 

When your child chooses to start this conversation, be fully present as much as possible.

There are times of course, like when life is hectic or possibly you are driving, when it’s harder to do this. You can always agree to finish talking about it later.

During your talk, put everything else aside, put the phone down and give it your full attention.

Make them know you are listening by reflecting (asking questions or making statements to how you are listening) what they say to you as this also makes them feel validated. Make them feel seen and understood. When they do talk, be transparent and honest in your dialogue – building credibility and growing trust. 

Asking open ended questions also stops the conversation shutting down.

Your child may also communicate better in different ways. A text or note might work better than face to face, talking during an activity might open things up.

If we try to take an interest in their world and what is important to them, they may also feel more comfortable in coming forward to you. 

Why Really Listening to Your Child is so important

Its really important your child feels heard and knows that you as their parent will listen.  Most parents will say they listen to their children but do we really listen?  I think the biggest culprit is ‘distracted listening’. Listening to your child but being engaged on something else, usually your phone. Give your children attention.  Make them feel their feelings matter and you care.  Most parents do care and want to hear their children but often parents give the impression of being distracted.

Give Support to your Child not Judgement

As a parent is try to show empathy wherever possible and ask open-ended questions. Children are more likely to talk if you listen without judgement or criticism. A technique for this is to say ‘I’ instead of ‘you’ statements, taking the focus off them. Also encourage them to talk by praising their honesty. Use words that support and show your love, not criticism or minimising the problem.

It’s also important to stay calm if the conversation gets tough or touches on taboo subjects – it’s important they feel safe coming to you in the future.

You can  show your support by brainstorming and working on problem solving solutions together – as a team.

Be mindful that building a strong relationship with your child takes time and the relationship will be tested.  Being a parent means considering the long term relationship and not reacting or worse over reacting to the extent your child child not fears being able to tell you things.

How to spend quality time with your child and still be a parent. 

Quality time with your child is a given for a great relationship with your child.

It’s also a great way to encourage them to be open with you. By choosing activities they enjoy, they will be relaxed and more inclined to talk.

Find rituals that stick, a chat at bedtime or the school run and family dinners eaten together.

Personally I would take my son on a bike ride, or a hot chocolate as a treat on Fridays.

Experiment what works for you and your child don’t force it just find something you can enjoy with a treat ideally.  The hot chocolate is our father son thing, something we enjoy together and strengthens the bond between us.

If you do this regularly enough you can also check in, asking them how they are doing.

Start this good parenting habit early so it becomes their normal. Try to keep your promises to be there – but don’t expect that they will automatically open up to you. Be patient especially with teens. You build a strong parent child relationship but it will change and you will have to adapt your parenting style. Things change for teenagers and what was cool pre-teens may not be anymore, including you.  

Balance a child’s right to privacy with parental responsibility.

Another facet of keeping your parent child bond connected is to respect your child’s privacy. If they feel you are intruding they are less likely to be open with you or share problems in the future.

Balancing your child’s right to privacy and your role as a parent can be difficult at times.  If your child is at risk then you may reasonably decide their privacy is a secondary concern.

My advice would be if you can look into their life without them knowing then consider it.  Checking phones is a big one.  If you can check it without them knowing then this maybe a good solution.  You need to be prepared to defend and explain your right as a parent to delve into your child’s personal life though.

It maybe better to be up front and ask your child more personal questions but this may just shut them down and highlight your interest.  Its not ideal but sometimes being a parent involves being sneaky.

Ultimately your parental responsibility is to keep your children safe and free from harm.  The wishes of your child are out weighted by the right of you as a parent to them i think.  If you explain why you breached their privacy your child may not like it but hopefully they’ll understand why you did it as their parent, because you love and care for them.  Sometimes listening takes a back seat as a parent and you need more direct action to help and support your children.

Modelling good parent behaviour and sharing vulnerability 

Maybe in the past you have heard other parents say,”Do as I say, not as I do”. 

Hopefully this is just a way of saying that as parents we know we are not perfect.

This aside though, a very powerful way of encouraging your child to be open and share with you- is to do this yourself. Don’t be afraid to open up your life before you were a parent to your child. 

How to create a strong relationship with your child

Whether during a period when they are beginning to open up to you, or just in general. They can only feel more comfortable to talk when you nurture an environment of openness and  trust. Sharing the times you went through similar problems, and how you personally overcome them. Builds trust and will bring you together.


For me personally – not hiding my own problems from my son- mental or physical brought another affect that I did not even expect. 

Being open, being honest, takes away the pressure of hiding it from your child. From pretending that everything is fine. This is a weight off your shoulders that nobody including parents needs to carry.

Sometimes what your child might say could even surprise you in how useful it is to your problem. Our children should not be our therapists, but they see the world in a much more open and simple way.

You may be surprised how helpful and understanding your children can be to your needs and see you as more than a parent who tells them what to do and a human who has their own frailties.

 

How guidance and not punishment can help you form a better relationship with your child

 

Focus on what you as a parent wanted to achieve with your child.

Creating a parent child safe space will bring benefits to both of you, and strengthen your relationship for a lifetime.

Although there are times when there will need to be punishment for your child, the occasions where they have shared something difficult might not be one of these times.

This doesn’t mean there can’t be consequences for your child, but by focusing on the guidance, and explaining how it’s different from punishment – the outcomes will hopefully be more positive and your child will still want to share with you in the future.

By removing fear and retribution, and by using problem solving and discussion then you can have healthier consequences and not just punishments without any subsequent change.

Being a parent means you have to think of the war and not just the battles but also battles aren’t really battles, they are opportunities to provide guidance to your child.

 

Conclusion

Building an open, sharing relationship with your child doesn’t happen overnight.

It needs a lot of patience and experimenting to find out what works.

But it is worthwhile. The bond of trust and dependability will build resilience, trust and a relationship that will last a lifetime. 

Even if you feel you don’t have this quite yet, it’s never too late to start.

Start small by introducing ritual quality time with your child with regular check-ins. Tell them you are always available for them, be patient and practice active listening.

Be open to sharing feelings and thoughts in both directions with your child to grow their  trust.

If you wish to discuss this further or get help with any other parenting issues. Feel free to contact me on CosyChats.

CosyChats.com hosts experienced parent who can provide Personalised Parent Support including how to create a strong relationship with your children.

CosyChats supports personalised parent support. CosyChats offers a parenting safe space free from judgement and shame where no question is too small and not issue to big.
Why Parents Should use the CosyChats parent support service.

🛟1-2-1 Personalised Parent Support Sessions


🧷Safe Parent Support Spaces Free From Judgement and Shame

👍🏼Where No Parenting Problem Is Too Big and No Parenting Question Too Small

👩‍👦Parents Supporting Parents Offering Compassion and Understanding

🆘Practical Parenting Support Created by UK Parents

🧑🏼‍🦱Parent Mentoring from Parents with Real Lived Parenting Knowledge & Experience

💻Online Parenting Support from the comfort of your own home.

Top 10 Benefits of the CosyChats parent support service.

👍🏼Access to a wealth of Parenting Experience and Knowledge.

👍🏼A Personal Parenting Mentor for you

👍🏼Parent support via phone, Text or On-Line.

👍🏼Parent Support Groups for key development stages

👍🏼Flexible parenting support sessions.

👍🏼Online parenting support at a reasonable cost.

👍🏼Parent support sessions can be gifted to a parent who needs parental support.

👍🏼Parent to parent support group harness wide parenting experience.

👍🏼Parenting support services are booked in 10 minute slots.

👍🏼Parenting support from real parents who want to help.

Thank you for reading the blog  (how-to-create-a-strong-relationship-with-your-children). Understanding how creating a strong bond with your child is beneficial. Can change the way you think about parenting your child.