Tag Archives: defiant child

Should You Be Concerned If Your Child Calls You Mate or Bruv?

November 11, 2025Blog, Kids, Teenagers, Your Wellbeingangry child, behavior help for parents, behavior management for kids, building child empathy, child behavior, child behavior issues, child behavior problems, child development, child discipline without yelling, child emotional outbursts, child mental health, child psychology, controlling children, defiant child, disrespectful child, effective consequences for kids, emotional development in children, emotional regulation skills for kids, family counseling for child behavior, handling child anger, how to deal with a disrespectful child, how to discipline a disrespectful child, improving child behavior, managing difficult child behavior, parent coaching for behavior issues, parenting resources, parenting strategies for difficult behavior, parenting tips, parenting tips for defiance, positive parenting techniques, preteen disrespect, rebellious child, rude child, sassiness in children, Setting boundaries with children, signs of child disrespect, spoiled brat behavio, stop child from talking back, strong-willed child behavior, talking back, teaching respect to children, teen behavior problems, toddler temper tantrums, when a child pushes backTim E

I can’t remember which came first, Mate or Bruv or when mate became routine. Or when mum and dad went out the window.

FORCING Your Child to Follow YOUR Dreams Not Theirs?

I can remember thinking don’t be that parent that picks them up on everything. Let it go and they’ll get bored of it. We’ll like most parenting decisions that didn’t work as exactly planned.

This question i asked myself is it such a bad thing if they do call me mate?

For some parents, hearing this familiar term of endearment directed at them feels perfectly natural. For others, it sparks an immediate concern: Am I losing my authority? Are they being disrespectful? i think i was in the latter camp. For transparency being called bruv or mate was something that didn’t work for me but my children are getting older.

It Takes a Village to Raise a Child – but who supports you? – Cosychats

Is ‘mate’ just casual language and not disrespectful?

Is the term mate just an example of a friendly, and informal family dynamic. More a sign of a strong bond, not a worrying trend. Where my children growing up and just adapting their language to suit a more level relationship? Were they just expressing themselves in language they were more familiar with?

I prefer to be called dad.

My Child Has Started Vaping What Should I Do?

I’ll be honest If they’d have asked me (which they didn’t) I’d have said i preferred dad to mate and bruv. It may be traditional and possibly more formal but it’s what i am. I am their dad, not their mate or bruv. Although when i thought about it i wanted to be more than their dad. I did want a strong and open bond between us. I want them to be able to talk to me about anything. If something is going on in their lives i want them to ask me and not some chat bot or AI. If the price of them being more open was being called mate or bruv every so often then i could cope with it.

This was reinforced by a research

‘When a child calls you “mate,” it often symbolizes this kind of dynamic. It implies:

Closeness: They feel comfortable enough to use informal language.

Trust: They see you as someone they can confide in, not just an authority figure.

Affection: The term, in its common use, is affectionate and warm.

The word can be a sweet indicator that your efforts to build a strong, friendly bond are working.’

I don’t agree 100% with this. I think the words mate and bruv have developed and spread. Is there a distinction between my children calling friends mate and bruv and them calling me the same. It doesn’t feel like it. It feels disrespectful but may be its not as disrespectful as i originally thought.

Whats more important the word or the tone and context.

Like everything parenting the answer isn’t straight forward. I think the intent behind the word is far more important than the word itself.

‘Hey mate, can we play a game?’—doesn’t feel disrespectful. The tone is casual and friendly.

However, any word can be used disrespectfully if delivered with the right attitude. If children rolls their eyes, slams their bedroom door, and yells, “Leave me alone, mate!”, the issue isn’t the word “mate.” The issue is the disrespectful tone, the boundary-testing behavior, and the underlying anger.

In this scenario, you would address the disrespectful behavior and tone, not the specific vocabulary used. The conversation would be about communication boundaries in your house, not about the appropriateness of the word “mate.”

Replace dad with mate in the above scenario and i think the outcome is the same. So context and delivery does matter.

Setting Boundaries

Boundaries are their to be tested and sometimes boundaries no longer apply. As your children grow they they can do many more things and you adjust your behaviour and expectation accordingly. Your relationship adapts but i think if you personally feel uncomfortable being called “mate,” or ‘bruv’ finding it too informal or feeling it undermines your parental role, you are completely within your rights to ask your child to stop.

Keeping calm and communicating clearly.

The key is to communicate this clearly and calmly, without making them feel that their affection was misplaced.

You might say:

“I know you mean it in a friendly way, and I love that we have a close relationship. But I prefer to be called ‘Mom’/’Dad’. Can you try to remember that?”

For younger children, gentle correction is key: “I’m not your mate, I’m your Daddy.”

If you’re okay with it most of the time but want formal titles in public or around grandparents, you can set those situational boundaries. The most important thing is consistency in your expectations.

My boundaries

I’m their dad. Thats my title and its pretty unique i think. I want the recognoition and respect i think dad brings. In my life as a parent so much is eroded and disappears but i’m still their dad and while it can be argued that its just a word and being their dad dosn’t change just because theycall me mate, for me it makes a diofference and i asked them to call me dad.

The Cultural Context: More Than Just a Slang Term

The interpretation of the word “mate” is deeply rooted in geography. What is considered informal in one country is the norm in another.

In the United States, for example, addressing a parent with anything other than “Mom” or “Dad” (or a formal variation like “Mother” or “Father”) might be seen as cheeky or impertinent. The parent-child dynamic in many American households often emphasizes a more defined hierarchical structure.

In contrast, within the UK, Australia, and New Zealand, “mate” is a staple of everyday language. It’s a versatile word used between friends, colleagues, and even strangers as a polite, friendly address. It is a term of endearment, fellowship, and equality.

In these cultures, it’s incredibly common for parents to refer to their children as “mate” from a very young age: “Come on, mate, time for your bath.” When a child then reciprocates this term, they are simply mimicking the language of affection and familiarity they hear every day. They are not trying to demote you from ‘parent’ to ‘peer’; they are just using the vocabulary of your shared household.

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Thank you for reading this blog ‘Are my children being disrespectful?’

Am I a Good or Bad Parent?

October 23, 2025Blog, Kids, New Parents, Your WellbeingAggressive child behavior, child behavior, child behavior problems, child hitting, conscious parenting, consequences for misbehavior, dealing with teenage challenges, defiant child, disruptive behavior in kids, effective communication with kids, emotional intelligence for kids, gentle parenting, handling sibling rivalry, how to be a patient parent, ineffective discipline, managing toddler tantrums, mindful parenting, neglectful parenting effects, parenting tips, peaceful parenting, permissive parenting, Positive parenting strategies, raising confident children, rebellious teenager, respectful parenting, Setting boundaries with children, signs of parental neglect, uninvolved parentingTim E

Am I a good or bad parent? How many times have you asked yourself this? A 1,000 times or more?

CosyChats is a parenting community and this is a question parents ask themselves. We’re parents to and we’ve asked it ourselves far too many times. At CosyChats we know parents can be hard on themselves and this creates self doubt, fear and lack of confidence, often unnecessarily.

I dislike the term bad parent. Parenting is hard and demanding. Describing someone as a bad parent feels harsh but bad parents do exist though and we need to recognise this. If we don’t we don’t give those parents a chance to change their lives.

Why are parents so hard on themselves?

Often parents are harder on themselves than they need to be. The probability is that as your concerned enough to ask if your a good or bad parent you at least want to improve being a parent. Most likely your not a bad parent. Your also not a perfect parent but probably do suffer periods of self doubt and feeling out of your depth. I think this is more common that we think. Parents seem to be hard on themselves because being a parent is a really important job with lots of responsibility. We don’t want to get it wrong.

Being a parent isn’t easy and parents can be too hard on themselves not celebrating enough themselves and what we get right as parents. We know this because we’re parent too. At Cosychats we host a range of parents who want to help and support you.

It is because were parents we understand and want to help, to share our experience and knowledge in a supportive and non judgmental way. Were not perfect parents nor do we know all the answers but were here to help.

There are no perfect parents.

Now more than ever the desire to be the perfect exists and parenting is no different. Social media drives a lot of this with influence’rs posting their perfections and not their reality.

Don’t fall into comparison or judgement trap. Don’t create a race you cannot win. Perfect parents do not exist. At CosyChats we interact with lots of parents and we’ve never found a perfect parent but some of the most grounded and accepting (of themselves) parents are ones who learn to accept their mistakes, learn and move on. Parenting doesn’t always allow you time to think in the moment but once those seeds of doubt have been planted they will grow.

Talking to another parent helps you to ground your ability and expectations. One of our parents sums it up as ‘most parents are just winging it anyway’. On Cosychats you’ll find lots of helpful and supportive parents who want to help and help and support you however they can.

Taking the pressure off ourselves as parents.

There is enough pressure on parents without us adding more ourselves but that’s what we do. We set expectations and judge ourselves harshly. As parents we should look for ways to reduce stress and pressure on ourselves. Step back and think about where your pressure comes from, friends, social media, family? Find it and do your best to stop it.

This doesn’t mean isolating yourself its learning to manage and deal with people around you that don’t add to more pressure and expectation to your life. Cosychats.com is a parenting community and we host parent who you can book a session with, parents who can listen and help you create your own safe space to reduce pressure.

Every parents makes mistakes and has bad days.

Children don’t come with a manual. What works one day fails the next. What works for one child may not work for another. Being a parent is a complex and challenging job and we can interpret lots of things as making us bad parents when they are just part of being a parent.

Things that don’t make us bad parents.

Bad parents do exist though. We know that but lets not tarnish ourselves as bad parents just yet. Lets go through things we might think make us bad parents but actually don’t.

Getting the work life balance wrong.

We provide for our families. That’s what families do and going to work can be demanding. The work life balance is unlikely to always be level and often swings but that doesn’t make us bad parents. It makes us busy and committed parents. However busy you are make even a small window of time for your children. They’ll love and appreciate you for it. Read Get Your Work Life Balance Right

Not being rich.

Money does not improve us as parents. Money can add security and pay for nice things but it never replaces time spent with children. Forget thinking money will make you a better parent. Quality time with your children is free.

Being inexperienced parents

Every parent has to start off somewhere and all the reading and preparation can’t compare you for the moment you become a parent. So many parents and grandparents say they learn something new every day. Being a parent is accepting you don’t know everything and are still learning. Children are a puzzle that changes with a new challenge every day. Learning is part of it. Cosychats is a parenting community where the most experienced and knowledgeable parents freely admit they can still be surprised and learn new things every day. That’s just parenting. Read Stop feelings of isolation being a parent

Making mistakes

Following on from inexperience comes learning. Learning through making mistakes. So much of parenting is trial and error. Finding out what works and what doesn’t. There is no pause button and sometimes you just have to go with what you think is best and hope for the best. Its not perfect but its how parenting works for so many families.this doesn’t make you bad parent’s.

Not being able to cope.

There is a sense of failure at not being able to cope as a parent but so many parents we speak to, including ourselves have periods of not being able to cope as a parent. There it is, sometimes its just too much. We want to walk outside and scream or curl up in a ball in a warm dark place. Fade into the background. Not be pestered. Not have responsibility for your children. Sometimes its just too much and we shouldn’t apologise for that. That’s just the way it is. Recognise your own limitations and try as best as you can to stay within them. Not always possible but step beyond your own limitations and you put more pressure on yourself. Your not superhuman and eventually all that pressure will weight down on you.

Addictions.

Being a parent does not shield you from addictions. Life unfortunately is not that simple. Good parents can have addictions and addictions can be strong. Like any addiction the solution is to get help especially when that addiction starts to impact the welfare of your children.

Recognising you own addictions.

Before you skip past this section take a moment to recognise your own addictions. Drugs, gambling and alcohol are the obvious ones but so many addictions lie in the background unnoticed. Recognising and being honest about your own addictions, really helps. Most people can’t let go of their phones and some spend time on their phone over time with their children. This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad parent but it does make you a distracted one and to some degree a neglectful one. Build time off your phone and with your family. Be a good role model.

Read Is PHONE ADDICTION Ruining Your Family Bonding?

Being a poor role model.

Do what i say not what i do is seen through and children recognise and copy your behaviours. Bad habits can repeat through generations. Take time to think about this and change your behaviours. Your can’t protect your children from life but you can change or alter your behaviours to set a good example to your children. This is in your control.

Read How a Role Model Can Empower Kids

Not getting on with your children.

Just because you don’t get on with your children doesn’t make you a bad parent. In fact the opposite may be true. Setting guidelines and making rules isn’t going to make you popular. Being a parent isn’t about being your child’s best friend, although if you can get that balance right, great for you.

Read How to Create a Strong Relationship With Your Children – Cosychats

Your children don’t turn out the way you wanted.

Allowing your children space and giving them tools to choose and succeed on their own path is part of your job as parent. They may change career paths and i’m sure make mistakes along the way but allowing them freedom to decide and find happiness seems the right thing to do. This is a big topic and some parents disagree. Read FORCING Your Child to Follow YOUR Dreams Not Theirs?

So am I a good parent or a bad parent?

What is a bad parent really?

I think most of us find it easier to understand what a good parent is but what is a bad parent really? We thought about this a lot and think at the core of that question is the basics.

Being a bad parent is, intentionally or neglectfully;

-neglect your children’s needs,

-don’t feed or care for your children,

-don’t keep your family safe, .

-harm or neglect your children.

Conclusion – So am I a bad parent?

This blog is to re assure most parents that there not bad parents. They’re human and full of self doubt that makes them vulnerable. Parents make mistakes, doing a difficult job. They have occasional bad behaviours but are still good parents. Parenting can be isolating and this allows fears and doubts to grow. Taking time to talk to other parents help you recognise the imperfections in other parents and realise your own strengths and strengths as a parent.

Sure your not the perfect parent but who is? Recognising your not a bad parent really helped us move on as parents. To accept our parenting imperfections and worry less about them and spend more time with our children.

If you still consider yourself a bad parent.

There is no blame here. If you are unable to care and protect your children, you and your children need help. If this is you then please reach out and seek help. A good starting point we found is your local GP or NHS Service.

Parenting Support.

We exist to support parents.

CosyChats.com is a community of parents. We host experienced parents who can provide Personalised Parent Support including sharing parenting knowledge and experience including parenting mistakes and mishaps. Parents who can chat, listen and be there for you. Parents who understand how difficult parenting can be.

A parenting safe space free from judgement and shame where no question is too small and not issue to big.

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Thank you for reading the blog (am-i-a-good-or-bad-parent). We hope we have offered you re-assurance and given the confidence to make mistakes and move on without being too hard on yourself.

About the author.

This blog was written by a parent of three adopted children who does have occasional bad behaviours and plenty of parenting self doubts but is a good parent and recognises this.

Part of adoption for us is not being able to share pictures or information on ourselves to protect our children childhood.