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What Gentle Parenting Looks Like in Real Life | Honest Parent Experiences

Day To Day Gentle Parenting

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🌿 What Gentle Parenting Actually Looks Like Day to Day

Gentle parenting is one of the most talked-about parenting approaches right now.

Across articles and social media, it’s often described as calm, patient, and connected — focusing on understanding children rather than controlling behaviour.

But when you look at real-life parenting experiences, many parents describe something a little different:

🌿not a perfect approach — but something that unfolds day by day. 

Our experience is gentle parenting is something we draw upon.

 We like to think were gentle not perfect parents. 

This doesn’t mean we can’t lose our sh_t like every other parent or our children run riot over us.

💬 What Gentle Parenting Looks Like in Real Life

For many parents, gentle parenting doesn’t feel like a fixed method.

Instead, it can look like:

🌿trying to stay patient after a long day

🌿repeating the same boundary more than once

🌿feeling unsure in the moment

🌿managing your own emotions alongside your child’s

Some days feel calm and steady.

Other days feel loud, rushed, or unpredictable.

In everyday life, it often becomes less about following an approach, and more about:

🌿moving through each moment as it comes.

I think of gentle parenting like my grandparents parenting. My grandparents were older grandparents. There lives were calmer and they had more time.  Time to explain and connect, and not just shout orders.  When i think about gentle parenting i think about my grandparents. Parenting with kindness and compassion. Of course there were plenty of times when noisy children smashed their peaceful afternoons and they shower their sterner side and where more abrupt but gentle parenting doesn’t mean a loss of guidelines or order.

🧠 Balancing Calm Intentions with Real Life

Parents often describe holding two things at once:

🌿wanting to respond calmly and thoughtfully

🌿while also dealing with time, energy, and everyday pressures

That might mean:

🌿staying patient in one moment, then feeling overwhelmed in the next

🌿reflecting afterwards on how things went

🌿adjusting as you go

For many, gentle parenting becomes something fluid — not something fixed.

For us this is parenting, reacting to situations and changing how we do things.  If my son comes back from school having had a terrible day we give him space and time, we let him explain at his speed and when he’s ready.  He knows we won’t shout or get angry (as much as we sometimes want to) but will listen.  We try not to jump to solutions and understand his perspective even when he’s in the wrong.

Gentle parenting is sometimes about what you don’t do.

⏱️ When Real Life Gets Busy

In day-to-day parenting, life doesn’t pause.

There are:

🌿school runs

🌿work commitments

🌿multiple children at different stages

🌿tiredness and lack of sleep

In these moments, things don’t always feel calm or considered.

Parents often describe it as:

🌿doing what feels possible in that moment.

We watch social media and videos where gentle parenting is mocked as letting children do what they want.  I can understand why some people find it easy to mock and sometimes without understanding gentle parenting can be misunderstood.  We have 3 children and our lives are busy. 


We have deadlines and jobs like other parents and sometimes we can’t listen and understand, sometimes we’ve just got do it but gentle parenting for us is explaining getting the child to try to understand.

If were going on holiday we allow extra time, explain what will happen and why we need t catch the plane, and that the plane won’t wait.  Sometimes we just need to go but its also understanding our children need explanation and assurance.  Us panicking in a busy airport isn’t going to help them deal with their anxiety.

💭 The Thoughts That Come With It

Alongside everything else, there’s often an ongoing internal dialogue:

🌿“Did I handle that how I wanted to?”

🌿“Would I do that differently next time?”

🌿“Am I getting this right?”

For many, this reflection becomes part of everyday parenting — something that naturally comes and goes.

Learning and accepting you won’t get everything right.
Not being too hard on yourself.
Gentle parenting is a family thing. For us its about understanding.
This includes yourself and your family. 
Understanding you don’t get everything right.
Being honest with your children. 

Sharing your mistakes with your children really helps them feel valued. 
When you get it wrong you learn and move on.  This is a great lesson for your children. 

As they grow they can even tell you its ok.

🌱 Finding What Feels Right for Your Family

Over time, many parents move away from trying to follow a specific approach and instead:

🌿notice what fits their family

🌿adjust based on their child

🌿learn through experience

What works one day might change the next.

What works for one family may look completely different for another.

I would never tell another parent what to do.  CosyChats is all about sharing experience but not from a expert or position of authority.  Every family is different, what works for us one day may not work the next so how can we tell you what to do.  What we can do is share our experience.  Share how we adapt and learn. How we make mistakes and move on.

💬 Real Conversations Between Parents

At CosyChats, conversations around gentle parenting aren’t about:

🌿advice

🌿techniques

🌿or getting things “right”

They’re simply about:

sharing what it’s been like.

🌿The calm moments.

🌿The challenging ones.

🌿And everything in between.

🧭 Final Thoughts on Gentle Parenting

Gentle parenting in real life often looks less like a defined method — and more like a series of everyday moments, reflections, and experiences.

🌿Not perfect.

🌿Not fixed.

🌿Just part of parenting as it unfolds.

Its not about giving up control and living in a mad house.  Its about working out what works for you. Not following a rigid regime and rule book.  Understanding and building a real connection and bond with your children.  Not using fear as a short term stick.

Gentle parenting works for us more than it fails us.  Its not perfect and we do adjust our approach to the situation.  Do we get it all right, no but it works for us. It helps us understand our children and hopefully bring them up in a house where respect and compassion exists and we can all find a way to live with each other in some kind of harmony.

🔗 Continue the Conversation

Explore more real-life parenting conversations on CosyChats or connect with another parent to share experiences.

Real life parenting conversations

parent and child, child not being heard or understood by the parent

Why being heard and understood is so important as a parent 

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How parents can feel shut down and left without a voice

Being heard and understood is vitally important for parents.  Let us give you an example.  A parent on CosyChats shared her mother in law saying ‘well you wanted the child’ after she had told her how she was struggling with the new baby.  In that one simple sentence she wasn’t heard and she wasn’t understood.

Being heard as a parent .

The parent concerned felt unheard.  She’s shared how she was struggling and this was dismissed. She wasn’t heard, no empathy, comfort or assurance. Just dismissal.  I asked how this make her feel and she said very lonely. Like my emotions and feelings had no value.

Being understood as a parent

Clearly there was no understanding.  As far as the parents mother in law was concerned you have a baby and you deal with it.  It was your choice. ‘What else is there to it?’

Being heard and understood affects your life

Being heard and understood are fundamental human needs because they provide the psychological and biological safety required for health, connection, and self-identity. Experts increasingly emphasize that these experiences are not just “luxuries” but essential for long-term mental health and relational stability but we believe even more so for parents.

At Cosychats we believe parenting is the hardest job.  It can be incredibly complex, challenging and difficult.  The minute you feel on top of it something changes and your back to winging it. Being heard and understood is vital for parents. In the example we shared had the mother in law offered emotional support it would have gone so far.  Validating the emotion of feeling out of your depth (babies will do that to anyone) would have gone so far and in the words of the parent, at that point, meant the world, that i wasn’t alone or a failure as a mum.

The importance of being heard and understood can be categorized into four primary areas:

1. Psychological & Biological Safety

Nervous System Regulation: Feeling understood sends a signal to the brain that you are safe. This reduces stress hormones (like cortisol), steadies your heart rate, and makes emotional regulation easier.

Antidote to Isolation: Lack of understanding activates brain regions associated with negative affect and physical pain. Being heard acts as a safeguard against depression and the “quiet ache” of invisibility.

2. Confirmation of Identity

Self-Verification: Having others see you as you want to be seen confirms your sense of self and assures you that your identity is justified.

Validation of Worth: When someone listens without judgment, they give you “permission to exist” exactly as you are, which directly builds self-esteem and self-worth.

3. Strengthening Relationships

Emotional Intimacy: Understanding is the “glue” of intimacy. It allows people to connect beyond roles and surface-level interactions.

Conflict Resolution: When people feel heard, they are less defensive and more willing to compromise. In mediation and difficult conversations, feeling understood is often the prerequisite for reaching an agreement.

Relationship Resilience: Feeling understood leads to “relationship identification,” where you see the relationship as a central part of who you are, making you more likely to protect it and forgive minor transgressions.

4. Personal & Professional Growth

Mental Clarity: Expressing your thoughts to a listener who “gets it” helps you process complex emotions and gain fresh insights that you might not have reached alone.

Workplace Belonging: In 2026, workplace trends prioritize “creating space for voices” to foster high-quality connections, as employees who feel heard are more productive and committed.

Life experience of not being heard and understood can have a dramatic impact on your life and your welfare.

The really sad thing is that it would have taken much for the mother in law in our real life to have dramatically changed  the outcome. Feeling understood validates identity, fosters belonging, and strengthens relationships for overall well-being.

At CosyChats we understand and believe in listening and understanding. Providing a clam space that parents can feel safe in.  Not judging but helping and supporting as best we can.  It sounds quite simple but it can have a huge impact on someone.  Just demonstrating i’m listening and i understand, I’ve walked in your shoes. Your emotions are valid.

How the traditional village to raise a child may have changed.

Parents often feel more isolated because they probably are. Generational and technological changes have an impact but there are other factors that makes parenting more difficult and isolating.

1. Breakdown of the “Village”



  • Geographic Distance: Modern families often live far from extended relatives, losing the “built-in” help of grandparents or aunties who traditionally shared the workload.


  • Individualistic Culture: In many Western societies, the responsibility of child-rearing has shifted from a communal effort to a solo or two-person job, creating an unnatural burden.
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2. Economic and Structural Barriers.



  • Cost of Living: For 48% of parents, financial strain is a primary driver of isolation. High costs prevent them from attending social groups, paid classes, or even finding the time to connect with others.


  • The “Double Burden”: Parents—particularly mothers—are often expected to work like they don’t have children and parent like they don’t have a job, leading to extreme emotional fatigue and lack of time for self-care. 



3. Digital and Social Pressure

  • The Comparison Trap: While social media connects parents, it also creates a “perfect parenting” myth. Seeing curated, “Instagram-ready” lives can lead to feelings of inadequacy, shame, and a desire to hide one’s own struggles.


  • Technoference: Excessive screen use can interfere with face-to-face adult connections and even disrupt the quality of parent-child interactions, making parents feel lonely even while physically with their children.


4. Identity Shifts and Stigma

  • Loss of Previous Self: Many parents feel a “seismic shift” in identity, where their sense of self is consumed by duties, making them feel alienated from old friends and past lives.


  • Fear of Judgment: Parents may avoid sharing their struggles for fear of being viewed as “bad parents” or “unfit,” especially in toxic social circles. 




Conclusions – Why being heard and understood are so important

The science backs this up.  As an individual this is important but as a parent even more so.  Having responsibility for another person carries great weight.  Weight many people struggle to carry.

Struggling being a parent is not something we should ignore or dismiss.  Its real and happens to so many people.  Parenting is hard but parenting without a voice or being understood is made so much harder.

Its simple and until you’ve experienced t you may not understand how damaging it can be.

As CosyChats we are committed to listening and sharing knowledge and experience.  We believe lived experience brings understanding and emotional support.  No parent has to feel alone, without a voice and misunderstood.  CosyChats is here.

CosyChats is a personalised parent support Service.

What is Cosychats.com and what does Cosychats do?

Introducing CosyChats

🛟1-2-1 Personalised Parent Support Sessions

🧷 Safe Spaces Free From Judgement and Shame

👍🏼Where No Problem Is Too Big and No Question To Small

👩‍��Offering Compassion and Understanding

🆘From Real Parents Who Know How Difficult Being a Parent Can Be

🧑‍🤝‍🧑Real Lived Knowledge & Experience

💻Virtual Sessions Where You Are In Control

Top 10 Benefits of the CosyChats service.

👍🏼Access to a wealth of Parenting Experience and Knowledge.

👍🏼Your own personalised 1-2-1 service.

👍🏼A safe space free from judgement and shame.

👍🏼You are in control and choose the CosyChats parent and service that’s right for you.

👍🏼Years of lessons learnt and experience gained that can all be shared.

👍🏼Being understood and your needs heard.

👍🏼No question is too small, no problem too big.

👍🏼Compassion and support from people who understand how difficult being a parent can be.

👍🏼Its affordable and is far greater value than professional providers.

👍🏼Meetings are on online so you can join from where you feel most comfortable.

Thank you for reading ‘Why being heard and understood is so important as a parent ‘

Being a parent can be challenging. This is one of the reasons we set up CosyChats. CosyChats hosts experienced parents who can share their experience and knowledge by provide support and help to other parents. Seeking the help and support of someone who has walked in your shoes is absolutely the right thing to do.

Picture of generations of parents

Inherited Parenting – How to Make The Most Of Your Upbringing

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Inherited Parenting: What to Keep, What to Let Go, What to Improve.

Inherited Parenting “Parenting how you were parented?” Its natural and just happens before we realise it.

As parents – it happens, even to the best of us.

That moment you didn’t see coming.

Words that you never thought you would say fall out of your mouth.

“Because I said so!”

“This isn’t a hotel!”

“You’ll understand when you are older”

You promised yourself you would never say them, never to turn into your own parents. inherited parenting is real
But it’s also an opportunity, a chance to decide how you want to parent.
It’s a crossroads where you decide if you raise your children the way you and your friends or relatives were, or if you want to take a different path.

The world changes between each generation of children in ways you might never see coming.
Perhaps, like me, you too grew up without social media, ubiquitous mobile phones and all the new challenges they bring.

Support for parents has evolved, see how. 

Deciding how to parent is more of an art than a science, and it might bring you many wins and defeats but the great thing is – it’s never a competition nor is it black and white.

Most parenting is more learned before it was chosen.
It’s purely down to you to reflect on what you embrace, what you tweak and what you delete entirely in how you raise your children.
But this does not mean you have to do it on your own.

Parenting Styles

“Children don’t come with a manual.”

So much of parenting is done by instinct, or on a vibe moment to moment.
I can still remember the first time I held and fed my son. Even though it was not something I had experience of, it just came so naturally. Other things came with practice but still felt quite instinctive. Even the nappies!

Many parents might not even think about it too much, unless things start to go wrong.

The “goto” approaches to parenthood however are so often learned rather than chosen – before we are even adults.
We take onboard how we are raised ourselves, we see how our friends are cared for and we even subtly notice how parents we come across act with their children.

Because so much of parenting is done on autopilot there should be no guilt or shame. In realising there are options in raising children it frees us as parents to reflect and find out what really works, for us, for our children and as part of the modern world with its new challenges.

This also works backwards as well as forwards. The way we were raised. Here we have the benefit of the advancement of time and while some parenting styles and techniques remain, many have changed. We know some much more now. So before judging or blaming we should try to remember that they had no manual either. Every parent tries their best and who knows how we will be judged by future generations. Possibly harshly when I think about how technology rules our lives now.

Attempting to parent in different ways now does not have to be a rejection or judgement on how you were raised yourself. Gratitude for your childhood and growth now are not opposite concepts. We may feel more enlightened now but our parents may disagree.

Parenting Support has evolved – See How.  

A Parenting Values Statement?

When first considering how you want to raise your children, square one should be to first establish a rough idea of your values as a parent. This enables you to parent consciously rather than chaotically.

While it might seem intimidating to think about this, it’s good to keep in mind that it’s a journey more than a destination and that it’s a very fluid process.
Your values will likely start with how you felt about your own childhood but will inevitably be shaped by how the world has changed, new parenting realities, your experience around other families and your children’s personality.

It’s a deeply personal and emotional process and it’s one not fixed in stone.
A way to make it easier is to think about these questions

How do I want my child to feel growing up?

What do I want my child to say about me as a parent?

Would I want this done to be by someone I trust?

Does your approach encourage character, resilience and feelings of safety?

Are you preparing them for life or just making your own life easier?

What are your parenting red lines?

This doesn’t have to be complicated and have written formal statements, it’s just a set of ideals to have in mind.
Like everything in parenting you will make mistakes and the goalposts will move but some preparation never hurts. With these ideals you can apply them to situations and decide what parenting techniques to delete, what to modify, and what to embrace.

You may go further and follow a parenting style. Gentle parenting divides parent opinions but for those who are believers its a style they understand, follow and presumably works for them. Having a default appears to make the whole ‘what should do’ decision easier. Accepting or rejecting Inherited Parenting maybe a very binary and easy decision for you.

Keeping, editing and embracing styles

Embrace

Probably the easier part of considering your parenting style is deciding what habits to introduce and what habits to keep. The techniques that worked well for you as a child and translate well to the personalities of your own family, and the approaches that work broadly for most children now.
Then there are the things adopted by many modern parents to deal with the challenges of things like social media and the mental health challenges of the current generation.

Here’s some great examples:

Consistency, traditions and routines

Respect for effort, resilience and responsibility

Managing exposure to social media and technology.

Modify

Approaches and techniques from the past, and things that maybe work for other families are often fundamentally sound – they just might need tweaking for your own family.
I feel much of this and Inherited Parenting is about how parents communicate with their children.
For me this meant that as much as possible I would try to explain why when asking my son to do something and a large shift, reflected in wider society, away from fear based discipline.
There should be consequences, of course, for bad behaviour but the world has moved from cruel sanction to consequences that encourage children to reflect more.
On the flipside to this, in my generation sons were not directly shown affection from fathers but I think a positive is that this is changing. Children are permitted more to express their emotions, especially boys.

Here is a list of examples:

Strict discipline becomes firm boundaries with empathy and less fear.

Being tough becomes validating and allowing emotions

Respect in both directions as parents listen even if they do say no

Delete

There are some ways in which children were treated in previous generations that most people would now consider unacceptable, and in fact in many countries around the world are now even illegal. Some of the ways that people parented were based on instinct and maybe things that worked in the short term, or on assumptions that have since changed.
Communicating openly about the struggles of parenting can only help to find the best ways of parenting rather than go on what went before, or instinct.

For example:

Not using physical punishment or yelling as it just causes fear and is centered around the parent losing control

Encouraging emotions and affection because it is a sign of strength to show them not hide them

Avoiding shame in childhood because of the long-term damage to self-esteem it can do to everyone involved.

Conclusions

Everybody knows that parenting is one of the hardest jobs you will ever do, so isn’t parenting consciously just extra work you don’t need?

The truth is that when done carefully and gradually it should be something that brings you closer to your children, and makes your life actually easier. Conscious parenting is an act of courage.

Most parenting styles require evolution not revolution and this means you are never starting from scratch.As a work in progress it is a gradual task but there will be mistakes and setbacks along the way.

It’s also important to not fall into the trap of blame or shame about the way other people parent or have been parented. It’s a reflection of people doing their best with the information they had and the way the world was at the time.

Parenting does not come with a map, but by parenting consciously you can choose to have a compass. Inherited Parenting maybe your starting point but it doesn’t have to be your end.

If you want to talk about this or any other parenting issues, please view my profile on CosyChats.

CosyChats is a personalised parent support Service.

What is Cosychats.com and what does Cosychats do? That can provide support to parents across a wide range of parenting issues including how to bring up happy and well-rounded children. How to allow children to follow their dreams and be happy.Signs of anxiety in primary school children

Introducing CosyChats

🛟1-2-1 Personalised Parent Support Sessions

🧷 Safe Spaces Free From Judgement and Shame

👍🏼Where No Problem Is Too Big and No Question To Small

👩‍��Offering Compassion and Understanding

🆘From Real Parents Who Know How Difficult Being a Parent Can Be

🧑‍🤝‍🧑Real Lived Knowledge & Experience

💻Virtual Sessions Where You Are In Control

Top 10 Benefits of the CosyChats service.

👍🏼Access to a wealth of Parenting Experience and Knowledge.
👍🏼Your own personalised 1-2-1 service.

👍🏼A safe space free from judgement and shame.

👍🏼You are in control and choose the CosyChats parent and service that’s right for you.

👍🏼Years of lessons learnt and experience gained that can all be shared.

👍🏼Being understood and your needs heard.

👍🏼No question is too small, no problem too big.

👍🏼Compassion and support from people who understand how difficult being a parent can be.

👍🏼Its affordable and is far greater value than professional providers.

👍🏼Meetings are on online so you can join from where you feel most comfortable.

Thank you for reading ‘Inherited Parenting – How to Make The Most Of Your Upbringing’

Being a parent can be challenging. This is one of the reasons we set up CosyChats. CosyChats hosts experienced parents who can share their experience and knowledge by provide support and help to other parents. Seeking the help and support of someone who has walked in your shoes is absolutely the right thing to do.

Good or bad parent

Am I a Good or Bad Parent?

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Am I a good or bad parent? How many times have you asked yourself this? A 1,000 times or more?

CosyChats is a parenting community and this is a question parents ask themselves. We’re parents to and we’ve asked it ourselves far too many times.  At CosyChats we know parents can be hard on themselves and this creates self doubt, fear and lack of confidence, often unnecessarily.

I dislike the term bad parent. Parenting is hard and demanding. Describing someone as a bad parent feels harsh but bad parents do exist though and we need to recognise this.  If we don’t we don’t give those parents a chance to change their lives.

Why are parents so hard on themselves?

Often parents are harder on themselves than they need to be. The probability is that as your concerned enough to ask if your a good or bad parent you at least want to improve being a parent. Most likely your not a bad parent. Your also not a perfect parent but probably do suffer periods of self doubt and feeling out of your depth. I think this is more common that we think.  Parents seem to be hard on themselves because being a parent is a really important job with lots of responsibility. We don’t want to get it wrong.

help for parents

Being a parent isn’t easy and parents can be too hard on themselves not celebrating enough themselves and what we get right as parents. We know this because we’re parent too. At Cosychats we host a range of parents who want to help and support you.

It is because were parents we understand and want to help, to share our experience and knowledge in a supportive and non judgmental way. Were not perfect parents nor do we know all the answers but were here to help.

There are no perfect parents.

Now more than ever the desire to be the perfect exists and parenting is no different.  Social media drives a lot of this with influence’rs posting their perfections and not their reality.

Don’t fall into comparison or judgement trap. Don’t create a race you cannot win.  Perfect parents do not exist.  At CosyChats we interact with lots of parents and we’ve never found a perfect parent but some of the most grounded and accepting (of themselves) parents are ones who learn to accept their mistakes, learn and move on. Parenting doesn’t always allow you time to think in the moment but once those seeds of doubt have been planted they will grow.

Talking to another parent helps you to ground your ability and expectations. One of our parents sums it up as ‘most parents are just winging it anyway’. On Cosychats you’ll find lots of helpful and supportive parents who want to help and help and support you however they can.

Taking the pressure off ourselves as parents.

There is enough pressure on parents without us adding more ourselves but that’s what we do.  We set expectations and judge ourselves harshly. As parents we should look for ways to reduce stress and pressure on ourselves.  Step back and think about where your pressure comes from, friends, social media, family?  Find it and do your best to stop it.

This doesn’t mean isolating yourself its learning to manage and deal with people around you that don’t add to more pressure and expectation to your life.  Cosychats.com is a parenting community and we host parent who you can book a session with, parents who can listen and help you create your own safe space to reduce pressure.

Every parents makes mistakes and has bad days.

Children don’t come with a manual. What works one day fails the next. What works for one child may not work for another. Being a parent is a complex and challenging job and we can interpret lots of things as making us bad parents when they are just part of being a parent.

Things that don’t make us bad parents.

Bad parents do exist though.  We know that but lets not tarnish ourselves as bad parents just yet.  Lets go through things we might think make us bad parents but actually don’t.

Getting the work life balance wrong.

We provide for our families. That’s what families do and going to work can be demanding. The work life balance is unlikely to always be level and often swings but that doesn’t make us bad parents.  It makes us busy and committed parents.  However busy you are make even a small window of time for your children.  They’ll love and appreciate you for it. Read Get Your Work Life Balance Right

Not being rich.

Money does not improve us as parents.  Money can add security and pay for nice things but it never replaces time spent with children.  Forget thinking money will make you a better parent.  Quality time with your children is free.

Being inexperienced parents

Every parent has to start off somewhere and all the reading and preparation can’t compare you for the moment you become a parent.  So many parents and grandparents say they learn something new every day.  Being a parent is accepting you don’t know everything and are still learning. Children are a puzzle that changes with a new challenge every day. Learning is part of it.  Cosychats is a parenting community where the most experienced and knowledgeable parents freely admit they can still be surprised and learn new things every day.  That’s just parenting. Read Stop feelings of isolation being a parent

Making mistakes

Following on from inexperience comes learning.  Learning through making mistakes. So much of parenting is trial and error.  Finding out what works and what doesn’t.  There is no pause button and sometimes you just have to go with what you think is best and hope for the best.  Its not perfect but its how parenting works for so many families.this doesn’t make you bad parent’s.

Not being able to cope.

There is a sense of failure at not being able to cope as a parent but so many parents we speak to, including ourselves have periods of not being able to cope as a parent.  There it is, sometimes its just too much.  We want to walk outside and scream or curl up in a ball in a warm dark place.  Fade into the background.  Not be pestered.  Not have responsibility for your children.  Sometimes its just too much and we shouldn’t apologise for that.  That’s just the way it is.  Recognise your own limitations and try as best as you can to stay within them.  Not always possible but step beyond your own limitations and you put more pressure on yourself. Your not superhuman and eventually all that pressure will weight down on you.

Addictions.

Being a parent does not shield you from addictions.  Life unfortunately is not that simple.  Good parents can have addictions and addictions can be strong.  Like any addiction the solution is to get help especially when that addiction starts to impact the welfare of your children.

Recognising you own addictions.

Before you skip past this section take a moment to recognise your own addictions.  Drugs, gambling and alcohol are the obvious ones but so many addictions lie in the background unnoticed.  Recognising and being honest about your own addictions, really helps. Most people can’t let go of their phones and some spend time on their phone over time with their children.  This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad parent but it does make you a distracted one and to some degree a neglectful one.  Build time off your phone and with your family.  Be a good role model.

Read Is PHONE ADDICTION Ruining Your Family Bonding?

Being a poor role model.

Do what i say not what i do is seen through and children recognise and copy your behaviours. Bad habits can repeat through generations.  Take time to think about this and change your behaviours.  Your can’t protect your children from life but you can change or alter your behaviours to set a good example to your children.  This is in your control.

Read How a Role Model Can Empower Kids

Not getting on with your children.

Just because you don’t get on with your children doesn’t make you a bad parent. In fact the opposite may be true.  Setting guidelines and making rules isn’t going to make you popular.  Being a parent isn’t about being your child’s best friend, although if you can get  that balance right, great for you.

Read How to Create a Strong Relationship With Your Children – Cosychats

Your children don’t turn out the way you wanted.

Allowing your children space and giving them tools to choose and succeed on their own path is part of your job as  parent.  They may change career paths and i’m sure make mistakes along the way but allowing them freedom to decide and find happiness seems the right thing to do. This is a big topic and some parents disagree. Read FORCING Your Child to Follow YOUR Dreams Not Theirs?

So am I a good parent or a bad parent?

What is a bad parent really?

I think most of us find it easier to understand what a good parent is but what is a bad parent really? We thought about this a lot and think at the core of that question is the basics.

Being a bad parent is, intentionally or neglectfully;

-neglect your children’s needs,

-don’t feed or care for your children,

-don’t keep your family safe, .

-harm or neglect your children.

Conclusion – So am I a bad parent?

This blog is to re assure most parents that there not bad parents.  They’re human and full of self doubt that makes them vulnerable.  Parents make mistakes, doing a difficult job. They have occasional bad behaviours but are still good parents. Parenting can be isolating and this allows fears and doubts to grow. Taking time to talk to other parents help you recognise the imperfections in other parents and realise your own strengths and strengths as a parent.

Sure your not the perfect parent but who is? Recognising your not a bad parent really helped us move on as parents. To accept our parenting imperfections and worry less about them and spend more time with our children.

If you still consider yourself a bad parent.

There is no blame here. If you are unable to care and protect your children, you and your children need help. If this is you then please reach out and seek help. A good starting point we found is your local GP or NHS Service. 

Parenting Support.

We exist to support parents.

CosyChats.com is a community of parents. We host experienced parents who can provide Personalised Parent Support including sharing parenting knowledge and experience including parenting mistakes and mishaps. Parents who can chat, listen and be there for you. Parents who understand how difficult parenting can be.

A parenting safe space free from judgement and shame where no question is too small and not issue to big.

Why Parents Should use the CosyChats parent support service.

🛟1-2-1 Personalised Parent Support Sessions

🧷Safe Parent Support Spaces Free From Judgement and Shame

👍🏼Where No Parenting Problem Is Too Big and No Parenting Question Too Small

👩‍👦Parents Supporting Parents Offering Compassion and Understanding

🆘Practical Parenting Support Created by UK Parents

🧑🏼‍🦱Parent Mentoring from Parents with Real Lived Parenting Knowledge & Experience

💻Online Parenting Support from the comfort of your own home.

Top 10 Benefits of the CosyChats parent support service.

👍🏼Access to a wealth of Parenting Experience and Knowledge.

👍🏼A Personal Parenting Mentor for you

👍🏼Parent support via phone, Text or On-Line.

👍🏼Support Groups for key development stages

👍🏼Flexible parenting support sessions.

👍🏼Online parenting support at a reasonable cost.

👍🏼Parent support sessions can be gifted to a parent who needs parental support.

👍🏼Parent to parent support group harness wide parenting experience.

👍🏼Support services are booked in 10 minute slots.

👍🏼Parenting support from real parents who want to help.

help for parents

Thank you for reading the blog  (am-i-a-good-or-bad-parent). We hope we have offered you re-assurance and given the confidence to make mistakes and move on without being too hard on yourself.

About the author.

This blog was written by a parent of three adopted children who does have occasional bad  behaviours and plenty of parenting self doubts but is a good parent and recognises this.

Part of adoption for us is not being able to share pictures or information on ourselves to protect our children childhood.